‘Time goes by so fast’

Image: Getty Images

Motherhood is incredibly beautiful, but also difficult and something that makes you insecure. Reading that other moms are going through the same thing can help. In this series, five mothers tell how they put motherhood into perspective, for example by reading personal stories.

Quitting your job to be with your child: one mother wants nothing more, the other does not have to think about it. Cindy Guldenaar (40) did not want to miss anything from the first years of her son Guus (2) and decided to stop working. “Motherhood is the best job I’ve ever had.”

working from home

One of the reasons Cindy decided to stop working at a consultancy was that Guus was born just before the lockdown. Just when her leave was over, she suddenly had to work from home. “I loved being with Gus. Having fun with him and watching him develop, even though he was still very small. Working from home didn’t allow me to be 100 percent the employee I wanted to be, but also not the mother I wanted to be. When I was working, I couldn’t give him the attention he needed.”

dance teacher

Cindy also quit because she had completed her dance teacher training. Last year she had the opportunity to work a few hours a week at a ballet school. “That gave me the push to quit my office job. As much as I liked my job, because I’ve been doing it for at least ten years. This way I can build up a few hours a week and spend the rest of the time with Guus.” It was of course important that it was also financially possible. Luckily that wasn’t a problem and Cindy’s husband just encouraged the idea. “When I was in doubt for a while, he actually persuaded me to take the step. He just encouraged it.”

Don’t miss work

“I didn’t find it difficult to make the choice to stop working. I didn’t have any doubts either, I actually liked the prospect. I expected to miss work, but I haven’t really missed it yet. I don’t have time for that either. Guus will be going to school in a year and a half, before I know it the time has come. It was absolutely the right decision for me.”

Also read: ‘I am very happy as a stay-at-home mom and this is why’

Uncertain

When Cindy thinks back to the first period after the birth of Guus, it was not all roses and moonshine. She had a worry-free pregnancy, but the delivery didn’t quite go as planned. Several times she thought that Guus would be born, but it didn’t happen. “Eventually I had a caesarean section, because my body was completely exhausted.” Suddenly Cindy had a son to take care of. But because she couldn’t get out of bed, she couldn’t. As a result, she was completely lost for the first few weeks. “All you want at that moment is to take care of your child and to pamper him. But that didn’t work then. I just didn’t know anymore. Not that I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to take care of my child, but I was unsure of who I really was. If I would ever feel like myself again, recognize myself and feel at home again in my house and in my relationship. That made me super insecure at the time.”

Need

“Fortunately, that feeling disappeared after about two months. Now I know it was because I had to relinquish control before and during the birth. That has done me a lot. I wanted to be prepared, but that is not possible with childbirth. That’s the way it is. In retrospect, this may be the reason that I feel so much the need to be with Guus and take care of him. Maybe I had already subconsciously decided that I wanted to stay at home.”

Cindy with her son Guus

Perspective

Although Cindy found the period after her birth very difficult, she can put it into perspective afterwards. “I sometimes read articles by Kek Mama in which mothers are told who had a much worse start with their child. Children who are ill, children who need extra help or worse: children who die. Then I think: hello, I only had a stomach wound, which healed very quickly. And the time I couldn’t do anything was very short. My child is healthy and that is the most important thing. I want to enjoy that in this time, while he is still so young. Precisely because it is possible and I am more aware of that than ever before.”

To maintain

Once Guus starts primary school, Cindy plans to continue her work at the ballet school. In addition, she also finds it important to maintain contact with her friends, even while Guus is still at home. “I have to keep in mind that I am also a friend, sister and daughter, and not just a mother. I myself have chosen to stay at home, and I think it is fantastic, but sometimes I also have to take a moment for myself. I don’t see my friends very often, because they all live quite far away. Earlier we all met in a restaurant, but that has been missed due to corona. We will pick that up again automatically, which is great. You will of course always remain a mother, but the fact that the focus is now mainly on Guus is temporary. That is why it is good to maintain friendships. Fortunately, that balance is there and it all goes very naturally. So I’m not worried about that.”

overwhelm

“I am very happy as a stay-at-home mom. A friend finds herself a nicer mother because of her work, and I completely understand that. Every mother (or father) should do what she wants and what feels right for her. That’s different for everyone. For me this is just the way right now. I sometimes read articles from mothers who tend to be more concerned. Then I think: just go by your gut feeling. Otherwise, just see what happens. As long as the kids don’t get sick or are in danger, don’t let that take you by surprise. It’ll be okay anyway. Trust yourself.”

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