This is how I raise: ‘My child is too fat and it’s my fault’
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Paul (37) has struggled with his weight for much of his life. Now that he’s a father and has been fit and at his goal weight for several years, he doesn’t want his seven-year-old son to have the same difficult relationship with food as he has.
However, his son is too fat for his height and age by all ‘rules’: “It’s my fault he’s the fattest kid in the class.”
The first thousand days
“Soon after Jonas was born, my wife Wieke had the rule that we would not give him sugar for the first thousand days of his life. Nice goal, but on his first birthday we deviated from this on my initiative. My wife really wanted to do a “smash cake moment” with him. Delicious with his hands in a cake – a sugar-free one. Well, ordering that cake was my responsibility and I just went for a variant with sugar. He may have eaten two bites of it, it was mostly messy, but you could tell he enjoyed the taste. Wonderful to see. This was followed by many more moments like this: a taste of my ice cream, a dessert at grandpa and grandma’s house and so on. In fact, no more rules have ever replaced it and now he is seven.”
Obese child
“I blame myself that my son is obese. He is now in group 3 and after seeing his last class photo, we were confronted with the facts: he is the fattest child in the class. Wieke immediately had tears in her eyes at the realization and it really does something to me. I used to be the boy with the largest clothing size and was very conscious of my appearance. My parents were very strict when it comes to food and I don’t want my child to experience the same feeling I got. Maybe that’s why I’m so averse to rules about food.
Read also: This is how I raise: ‘My mother-in-law can disappear with her unsolicited advice’
I don’t want him to feel like ‘the obese kid’ too and at the same time I also find it very difficult to impose rules when it comes to eating and drinking. We try to encourage healthy food and we don’t open the candy box every time we play, but I also want him to eat what he likes and enjoy the moments at the table. We never have much candy or cake in the house, but there is no limit in terms of dinner and sandwiches and Jonas eagerly uses that. Wieke sometimes says something about it and then I can’t resist saying something like: oh dear, leave him. I can tell you this is not good for your relationship.”
Nutrition coach
“In a few weeks we will receive a visit at home from a kind of nutrition coach for children. Together with her we want to see if we can break Jonas’ eating habits. That he knows more about what is good for his body and from which products his body does not necessarily get the right energy. It is really better for his health if he loses some kilos, hopefully in a playful way. I hold my breath what I will think of this consultation.”
The names in this article have been changed. This article was previously published on Me to We.
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