“These kinds of men are very, very ugly”
Patrick van Rhijn heard how two girlfriends are structurally insulted by their partners and wrote a column about it. There was a massive response to that. A selection of the many reactions.
In his column he wonders how many women are structurally insulted. And the answers show that it still happens often. Karan writes: ‘I have experienced something similar. We wanted a baby together. Because it was no longer possible the natural way, we went for IVF. I quit smoking, but started eating. Because I no longer felt beautiful because of everything and I had gained some pounds, I asked for confirmation. Instead of comforting me, he told me not to get much worse. We didn’t have a baby together. Fortunately, I now have another man who, despite my weight, makes me feel beautiful and loves me as a person.’
Vera also recognizes what Patrick describes: ‘Unfortunately recognizable…. It breaks you.’ Gisella responds: ‘Unfortunately very recognizable, but fortunately no longer a problem. At least, I still can’t look in the mirror, but my new husband thinks I’m beautiful.’
Pack bags
Herma’s husband has never said anything so nasty, but she is very clear about this behavior: ‘He would not be my husband (anymore). You don’t let your own man talk you into a complex!’ Margo can’t believe this behavior either: ‘Sad if your own husband says this. The person you love very much and should feel good about.’ Williene has a clear message for these kinds of people and writes: ‘I will gladly help the first and best man who talks to me like this to pack his bags.’
Liza thinks it’s too bizarre for words that people are like this: ‘Your wife gives birth to your goddamn child. It deserves nothing but praise. And yes, that changes her body, but if he only cares about looks, I wonder if that relationship is based on anything at all.’
Very, very ugly
Yvette finds the intensely horrifying comments Patrick describes. She responds: ‘I’ve never really received that from my husband. Four beautiful kids further and a man who still thinks I’m just as beautiful as 18 years ago. In the years that I myself was in knots with my changed body, he was the one who told me how beautiful I was and that my beautiful body has grown and born four beautiful children. The kind of men described in the column are very, very ugly. You can change someone’s appearance, but not the character. Big hug to all women who have (been) with such a bastard.’
Janneke calls them sad men and thinks Patrick is right: ‘It’s good that he is discussing this. It really can be different.’
‘These stripes make me proud’
Fortunately, things often go differently, as evidenced by the reactions of Renate and Mandy, among others. For example, Renate writes: ‘My god, this really scares me! You are beautiful the way you are and love yourself too. When your partner talks to you like that. Then it’s time to say goodbye. And believe me you will come out stronger. Luckily I have a very sweet husband. Because I can talk myself down sometimes too. Then he says “Honey stop being so negative about yourself, you are beautiful and I love you dearly.”‘ Mandy can complain a lot about her guy, she writes, but in this respect she wishes everyone a man like him: “When I look at myself, or have a day where I’m like, ‘Pff, look at that loose skin, everything full of welts. How can you like this?’ Every time he tells me how beautiful he thinks I am and how proud he is that I carried our boys. These stripes make me proud.” I could cry the first time he said that.’
Nancy gives a sneer by responding: ‘How good that 97% of men keep a good body. Without sagging abdomen, love handles, sagging legs and calves. They also age. Loving is also respect for each other and each other’s bodies.’
Sign of love
Many women say that they themselves are insecure about their body, but luckily they have a partner who occasionally gives them some courage. Like Lonneke: ‘Unfortunately I see myself that way. Fortunately, I have a sweet husband who absolutely does not share this opinion. What would I do without him.’ When Martina had to have a caesarean section after 32 hours of contractions, she told her husband: “But then I will get a very large scar”, to which he responded with “It doesn’t matter, dear, that scar will always be a very beautiful one.” sign of love between two people who have made a child together”.’ That’s how it is!
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