‘Sometimes I don’t dare look at my account for days’
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Linda always prided herself on being a single mother. But like many other families, the financial picture now looks very different.
Linda (41, communications manager) is single and mother of Sjors (12) and Juul (8).
“Yesterday I received an e-mail from the riding school where Juul teaches: ‘Due to the rising cost of energy, we are unfortunately forced to…’ I didn’t even read it, I already saw from the numbers that the tuition fees are going up considerably. It is the umpteenth message I have recently received that is not in my financial favor. I remember thinking with the high petrol prices: let’s get on the bike a bit more often. But it doesn’t work that way for me.
Juul’s school is not around the corner here and cycling up and down for work in the early morning just takes too much time. It’s not logistically convenient either. And we don’t have a supermarket nearby. I try to combine my rides more, but I haven’t succeeded yet in leaving the car. I regularly run out of hands and time and getting rid of the car is certainly not an option; where I live there is hardly any public transport.
Apart
My ex Yves and I have been separated for six years now. He has the kids for a weekend every two weeks. His focus is on his new family, he hardly looks back at Sjors and Juul. They go on holiday with me and it has happened more than once that he cancels ‘his weekend’. The children are very sad about that.
“It has happened more than once that he cancels ‘his weekend’”
Our divorce doesn’t deserve the beauty prize. I’ve done my best to do it as well as possible, but Yves has gone to great lengths to spend as little as possible on it. He does not see that he is harming his own children by doing so. The little alimony he pays doesn’t cover nearly half the cost, but I let it go. If I wanted more, I would have had to fight for it. Well, snuggle in then. The children lack nothing, they are on two sports, walk in nice clothes, both have a nice bicycle and Sjors of course has a telephone. But I can no longer offer them that luxury life, I’m afraid.
Start over
I started working full time after my divorce. This could be spread over four days, one day of which I work from home. My parents look after the children for two afternoons and Juul goes to the out-of-school care for one afternoon. My income is generous – about 3,100 euros net, including allowances and alimony – but there is little left over.
“My income is generous, but there is little left at the bottom.”
I rent a very nice house privately for 1200 euros per month. That is a considerable amount. I can’t buy, certainly not in the current market. And this house feels like home; I don’t feel like looking for a home that might cost 200 euros less per month, but where we have to start all over again.
Save
Until this year I managed to set aside a few hundred euros per month. One time 100 euros, the other time 300 euros. I also put holiday money, year-end bonus and an incidental (small) bonus in my savings account. The kids and I then went on vacation. It always made me very proud when the three of us were on a plane to Greece or Ibiza. I did that pretty well on my own.
This year I can only see my savings account shrinking; something seems to need replacing every month and the rising costs for just about everything are more than palpable. We went to the south of France by car this summer. And as if the devil played with it; on the way back I stopped. The repair cost us an extra night and 1100 euros. I now have 470 euros in my savings account, a historic low. If something breaks now, the washing machine for example, there is nothing left.
Read also – ‘I only have 75 euros left in my savings account’ >
Higher costs
Everything has become more expensive. Last week I went out for dinner with my best friend Rianne. We do that once every two months and because we are both very busy and hardly see each other otherwise, I didn’t want to cancel that just like that. I was shocked when we saw the bill. We really hadn’t done anything crazy and yet we were allowed to pay 60 euros per person. Rianne didn’t blink or blush; she and her husband are two-income earners, she has had her luxury owner-occupied home full of solar panels for years and they go on holiday at least twice a year – this year even two weeks of skiing, she said.
“It must be wonderful never to have to think about money. I worry more and more about it”
It must be nice to never have to think about money. I worry about it more and more. Groceries have become bizarrely much more expensive. It is pretended to be a few percent, but I recently paid for a product that cost a generous 20 percent extra. So far I have not progressed in salary. In fact; I have not received any raise at all and the rumors are that a bonus is not included this year either.
And then I haven’t even mentioned the worst; the energy bill. The house I rent is old and not optimally insulated. As a result, I always had a fairly high bill of 220 euros. I have a permanent contract until spring, then I’m screwed, I’m afraid. Around me I hear that the bill can just triple. If that’s the case for me, then I have a problem. I’m making way too much for compensation, but I’m simply not going to make it. I wouldn’t know where to get an extra 500 euros per month.
Financial independence
Like half of the Netherlands, I complain a bit, but I don’t really talk about my financial problems. I’m ashamed of that anyway. I was always so proud of my financial independence and shouted it to anyone who would listen.
These days, I break out in a sweat when I stand at the checkout. Sometimes I don’t dare look at my account for days for fear that there is hardly anything left on it. I’m refueling with a knot in my stomach and I’m preparing the kids in every possible way for an energy-efficient life. For example, I installed a device in the bathroom that shows how long you shower. We have set the heating as low as possible; I’ve put blankets on the couch and point to a sweater if the kids are cold.
“Nowadays I sweat when I stand at the checkout”
I increasingly say no to Sjors and Juul if they want something, because I no longer have the money for it. I’ve already scored some cheap presents for Sinterklaas and Christmas in recent months, but I really can’t meet their complete wish list this time.
The money flies out the door without me getting anything tangible in return and the stretch is gone. I can barely keep my head above water; what must it be like for people who really earn very little? Juul only told us that two children in her class did not bring lunch to school because their parents had no money for it. So that just happens here in the Netherlands, right? It’s horrible.”
This article appears in Kek Mama 12-2022.
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