‘Should that one prince pass by, then Stefan has been my ultimate rebound man’

Nina (31), divorced, mother of Evi (3):

“Recently my ex-husband Niels inquired how many men I had had after him. Since our divorce, Niels and I have been best friends. We still go on vacation as a family and discuss everything, even our current sex life. Then he asked about my lover Stefan’s bedtime performance: was he better between the sheets? Laughing, I said, “Okay, do you want an honest or politically correct answer?”

No, Stefan is not necessarily better than Niels, but different. He is freer and hotter. Niels had a panda bear libido – you have to force it to have sex too. When I tried to seduce Niels, he calmly said: ‘No thanks, I’m watching football now.’ When I put on a red lingerie set for Niels, he looked disapprovingly: a waste of money, it will go out again. It didn’t make him hot or cold. While Stefan loves it all equally. I never have to push him.

Apart

It took Niels and I six years to have our daughter. But once Evi arrived, it turned out that we no longer had a future together. Very crazy maybe. In the years that we were so busy getting pregnant, my focus was completely on that process. I probably didn’t want to see that Niels and I had grown apart in the meantime. We didn’t argue, but we didn’t share much either. Sex was purely aimed at getting pregnant, it was no longer making love. We barely even kissed. I only realized all this after the arrival of Evi. I was overjoyed with her, but at the same time felt like a pathetic pile of misery. I was so down.

In retrospect, I had the whole fun package that contributed to this: first injecting hormones for good ovulation for years that negatively influenced my mood, then the disappointments of all the missed pregnancies, followed by a traumatic birth and also post-natal depression. Niels didn’t help me at all. We couldn’t find each other emotionally. We tried it with a ‘make-up holiday’, but didn’t come together. So we decided together and in good harmony to end our relationship.

“We allowed each other a better life, separately from each other.”

The reactions to our breakup were not bad. People like it when you have an eight month old baby and you break up. Friends, relatives, acquaintances, who were also all aware of our fertility problems, even spoke of it as shame. What did we do to Evi? Well, rather now than in six years, we said. I myself am a child of divorced parents and I know how bad it was to be in quarrels every day. Even so many years later, they still hate each other. Niels and I don’t have that at all. Of course there was sadness in both of us, but we allowed each other a better life, apart from each other.

Click in the bedroom

I immediately started looking for a new man. I considered myself far too young to remain single for the rest of my life and I still want to have children. That’s why I went on Tinder and 27-year-old Stefan was one of the first to contact me. He had a beautiful head, with bright blue eyes. We first met outside and then twice with him. We didn’t have sex until the third date. I’m old fashioned about that, I don’t like one night stands. But it was difficult, because there was a huge sexual attraction between us from the first minute. As soon as I see him, I’m in the mood. He has a certain look in his eyes that makes my knees buckle.

Niels could sometimes whine about my big belly, Stefan likes everything equally. It also makes me feel very attractive, feminine and sexy. Stefan is attentive, super sweet and a good lover. But he is by no means relationship material, nor is he suitable as a potential father. He is quite extremist in his political views, a big fan of weapons and violence and prefers to watch dark action films. All things I detest. We had an on and off relationship for a while, but I couldn’t live with his crazy thoughts. But I can’t let go of him either. That crazy click in the bedroom is too big for that. I did try. Then I broke up, but after a few weeks I already texted him with an excuse, hoping that he would come by. Of course he immediately gasped.

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date nights

Thursday night is my date night. Evi is then picked up by Niels and brought home alternately on Friday or Sunday. I usually meet with Stefan. We have a drink, have quite intense sex for an hour and afterwards we watch a Disney movie – safe, without any violence. At the end of the evening Stefan goes home. I don’t want him to sleep over or it will look too much like a relationship. This is purely for pleasure.

“After an hour of pretty intense sex, we watch a Disney movie.”

Still, I don’t expect this fling with Stefan to last that long. We can’t mess around together forever. I’m open to a serious relationship, I still swipe to my heart’s content on Tinder and I’m in a Facebook group for like-minded singles. I find dating quite difficult. In any case, to literally and figuratively expose myself to another person, that feels uncomfortable. My belly has stretched considerably after Evi’s pregnancy, which can sometimes make me quite insecure.

And I’m careful about meeting. I once had a man who almost tried to rape me and who I struggled to get out of my house. Now I either meet at neutral ground or only after a full screening. Stefan doesn’t like it when I flirt with other men, he’s quite a bit jealous. If it were up to him, we’d be having more than just sex. He could get over our differences. I try to live a little more day by day. As long as we’re still having fun, I enjoy it and if that one prince does come by later, Stefan has been my ultimate rebound man.”

Would you also like to be interviewed for this column? Then you get a ‘fun package’ from EasyToys, including naughty toys, massage candle, lubricant and sex dice. Mail to kekmama.nl@dpgmediamagazines.nl.

This article appears in Kek Mama 13-2021.

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