‘She told everyone I didn’t want her to be pregnant’

Image: Unsplash

In the beginning it was all holadijee, until Raya found out how her neighbors really were.

Raya (40), lives together and is mother of Jules (8):

“Dinner together three times a week, sleepovers between the children, weekends away together – with our neighbors Lode and Debby and their son we did everything together.

In the beginning, five years ago, we were a bit doomed to each other, because we happened to live in the street at the same time. There was already a close-knit ‘hard core’ there and it was difficult for us to intervene. In addition, we just had a huge click. Whether the four of us were together or the men and women separately – we had so much fun, we had the same interests and we thought the same about a lot of things.

control freak

Debby and Lode were eager to have a second child and we did what we could to support them during the IVF journey. When Debby was pregnant after almost two years, the four of us wept with joy. I immediately forgave her for changing from her cheerful self into a moody control freak. Because: hormones. And I understood very well that she was afraid that something would go wrong with the pregnancy, because she had waited so long for it.

So that Jules wasn’t allowed to come into her house anymore because he hadn’t had chickenpox yet, well, that’s what I thought but I didn’t say anything. According to her, the risk to the unborn baby was very high, I did not understand her fear, but accepted it. That was true for many more things. For example, Debby became hysterical when our cat walked into their garden or when I parked my car in the only free parking space – in front of their door. The cat could spread disease and hello, in her condition I didn’t want her to have to walk unnecessarily far to get to her house, did I? She was five months pregnant at the time.

baby shower

After she lectured me about that car, my understanding of her began to wane. Act normal, I often thought. But when Debby hinted – or well, she just literally said it – that she thought a baby shower was in order, I started arranging enthusiastically. I wanted to keep everything a secret, so I asked Lode for the phone numbers of her friends. However, Debby continued to bombard him with questions and eventually he gave in and told her what I was doing.

“Act normal, I thought more and more often”

From that moment on I had no more life. She wanted to direct everything herself: the location, what we were going to do, even the gift. She had set her mind on a certain high chair and she thought that was a nice joint gift. When she then announced that she wanted to make an exploratory visit to two locations she had in mind and that I had to come along, I threw in the towel. “You can arrange your own baby shower,” I said. “And you don’t have to count on me.”

Also read: ‘Since I became a mother, I hardly see my friends anymore’ >

come to repentance

Somehow I had hoped that Debby would repent because of my words, but it didn’t. She was highly offended and told whoever wanted to hear that I didn’t want her to be pregnant. Sure, dude, I thought, and didn’t even bother to refute that. A few weeks later, I saw an endless stream of baby shower photos on Instagram. She even pretended to be very surprised.

chilled

At first it was awkward meeting Debby on the street, but along the way I became very adept at avoiding her or just saying hello. The friendship between Lode and my friend Felix also cooled by this whole affair, because Lode immediately rallied behind his wife.

“We didn’t go to a maternity visit, I admired their son in the pram as I passed by on the street”

When the baby was born, we got a text message. I selected a present that fit through the letterbox and added a very general card. We did not go to a maternity visit, I admired their son in the pram as I passed by on the street.”

This article can be found in Kek Mama 05-2022.

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