‘Puglia has softened our hardness and removed the suspicion of kindness’
Bien has moved to Italy with her love Arjen and their children. She talks about their new life there.
We are in the car towards Torre Canne, our favorite beach of owner Madia. I look outside, the children are babbling in their seats and the car is quiet. I feel emotional, all kinds of emotions come up and I can cry about everything. As I look at the insanely beautiful landscape, I think out loud and say: ‘I am so very happy here, this landscape makes me so happy’. ‘That’s what it’s all about, honey,’ Arjen says sweetly and he puts his hand on my leg. He feels everything so well, he is so sweet and supportive. What do I owe this man to? I am not an easy woman: temperamental, fierce in emotions and a real Libra who weighs everything and can doubt everything. Arjen is a Gemini, can move and move in everything and everyone, but guards his boundaries well. We complement each other nicely. We respect each other, listen carefully to each other’s needs and try to complement each other.
emptiness
It struck me in the Netherlands how many women in Amsterdam-Zuid that we know, and especially in our neighborhood, radiated such an emptiness. They carried with them dissatisfaction due to a lack of love, appreciation and perhaps inner peace. They had all the money in the world, walked along the Stadionweg with the most expensive things, shopped everything at Pauw and were not shy to show it. But those looks in their eyes, such an emptiness.
A few of our neighbors from South lived very close to each other. When we first moved in, I had nice contact with a woman, because our daughters liked to play with each other. She needed to reconnect with her husband. I can’t understand that you live past each other for years without passion or beautiful in-depth conversations. You also need a certain passion for conflict, but what do you have left when everything comes to a standstill?
Not worth it
She sought it out from her physiotherapist: the connection, the sex and perhaps the sweet words. She wanted to save her marriage for their daughter, but looked elsewhere for the tension. I don’t mind physical cheating even more than emotional cheating, but still I couldn’t understand it. I told Arjen about the situation. We got to know the couple together when we moved to South. “That’s because her husband makes her feel like she’s not worth it,” he said. I’m not judging it, but I did find it hard to know and see that.
Being nice costs nothing
From the moment we arrived in Italy, everything blossomed again. As if a bird is freed from its golden cage. We have already made so many special contacts with people here, both in Monopoli, Cisternino, Martina Franca and in Locorotondo. The interaction between people is really different here. It’s amazing how you see the huge differences, two thousand kilometers away from your original hometown, which you thought was your safe haven. Puglia has opened our eyes. Our hardness is softened, our suspicion and mistrust of kindness is allayed. Being nice costs nothing, that’s the attitude here.
I would so much like to share the love that reigns here, the brotherhood and the special atmosphere with that unfortunate neighbor. With the wealthy women from South with the empty look in their eyes, with the people who are stuck in a rut and see every day as an obligation to succeed, to meet other people’s expectations. As soon as we have a beautiful Trulli to rent out, I take our guests to all the places we love to give them a feeling that will stay with them. Instead of trying to impress people who don’t care about them every day, want to be liked by people who don’t like them. Back inside, to your feeling, to the basics. Without all the bells and whistles around it, without commentary about how you look, how you come across, whether you are full or slim: it doesn’t matter. Just being able to live your life with love for each other, your children, but also – or actually right – for complete strangers. Helping each other without any expectations.
Also read: Bien: ‘I’m not afraid to fail, I’m not afraid to be rejected’
Terrible culture
Why has it become normal in the Netherlands to live on other people’s suffering? Why do those rock-hard juice channels score so well and are they being maintained and not stopped? Exposing everything about someone’s private life? Blindly slide messages in someone’s profile about how disgusting you find them? Shamelessly commenting on social media without considering the fact that their children may see it. It is a culture in which we no longer could relate, no longer wanted to measure ourselves. A life without juice channels, a life in which young people go to the sea together after school, play volleyball, swim and listen to music.
We’ve been here for three months now, and for three months we’ve been enjoying the view that none of those students on the beach are on their phones. They laugh and have fun with each other. I’m the only one on the beach now on her phone writing a column to magnify and highlight the differences. But now I’m closing. I’m going to swim and eat my pasta Vongole. Building sandcastles with my children, taking in the surroundings and embracing once again that we are here.
Bye dear readers, see you next Saturday.
Bacio, Bieno
Read the best stories, most recognizable columns and the best tips for you and your kids every month. Subscribe now to Kek Mama and get up to 45% discount.
