Patrick wants to do drugs with his children

It may sound crazy, but since last week it’s been a big dream of mine to do a hallucinating truffle trip with my kids. I’ll explain why.
“Daddy, I’ve never seen you cry,” my then 12-year-old daughter Rikki said during dinner a while ago.
“Me neither,” my then 10-year-old son responded. “Don’t you ever cry?”
“I seldom cry indeed, dear ones,” I replied.

Last month I was suddenly in a coma in the hospital for seven days after an asthma attack. Once I woke up during the nights I felt so overwhelmingly scared, lonely, alone and trapped with all those wires and IVs from my body that it felt traumatic. So when I recovered, my girlfriend advised me to finally start doing self-care and schedule an EMDR session with Dora, a therapist she had successfully done such a session with before and because I was ready for anything. open I was like let’s go!

“Daddy, I’ve never seen you cry”

EMDR

An EMDR session works with taps in your ear that ensure that the burden of your trauma or grief loses its emotional charge, so that it no longer bothers or blocks you. Once on the couch with Dora, after some questioning and listening, she said: ‘Asthma often has to do with great sadness. Did you experience intense grief?’ It took me a few seconds to remember something. ‘Um yes, of course. I unexpectedly lost the lawsuit over my four-year-old daughter after taking care of her on my own for three years. Two days later I had to put her on a plane to her mother in Sweden. I’ve written books about that to deal with it.’ “No,” said Dora. “You have dealt with that loss. Something else that made you build a very high wall of protection around yourself.’

“Um… well, when I was a week old, my mother (17) was hospitalized with postpartum depression. I was put in an incubator bed in a separate room for three weeks. Once a day the nurses would hold me up behind the window so that my parents could see me… I can’t remember anything of course, but maybe my body does?’
“That could very well be,” Dora replied. “My children once said they had never seen me cry. Maybe it’s because they made me cry for three weeks as a baby. If no one comes, you automatically stop. No idea.’
‘However it turned out, your wall is so strong, it would take a lot of time and effort to get to your core. I actually want to advise you one of our truffle sessions. Those truffles contain psilocybin.’
“I read something about that on your website. Then you go to the core of your subconscious and your emotions under guidance, don’t you? It appeals to me!’

Hallucinating truffle session

And so I signed up for a hallucinatory truffle session last weekend. Together with fourteen others we each lay on our own sun bed in a room with spiritual music. View over nature and grassland. Naturally, the neighbor had decided precisely at that moment to mow his meadow with a noisy tractor. But once it was gone, things settled down and Dora explained, everyone wrote down what they wanted in their lives and what they didn’t. Then we ate our truffles and waited for the trip. Would I be sad, very happy or something completely different?

Happy bird

Soon I felt wonderfully light. And although I am naturally a happy bird, I became even more so now. Self love, forgiveness, love for the universe and all the people I know and don’t know, it felt amazing, intense and logical. I saw kaleidoscopic shapes dance across the walls and floor, colors were brighter and more beautiful than ever. I felt love itself. Streams of thoughts flew by. Suddenly I thought of my children. “We’ve never seen you cry, Daddy.” And just like that, because of those faces, their smiling faces in my head, their pranks, how they had been worried about their terminally ill father in the hospital… I felt even more love for them than I always feel. Conscious or something.

And just like that I felt my eyes get moist. A tear fell on my hand. And another one. An enormous power filled me. And connection, even with the people who have been very nasty to me in my life. “Ohhhh,” I exclaimed in my euphoria. ‘I really want to do this trip with my kids! Or will we immediately be with Youth Services?’
“Not until they’re 18,” Dora smiled.

‘They should do this in schools,’ I fantasized. ‘How much more beautiful and spiritually richer would the world be if everyone could come to their emotions and process them? I understand that not every trip is the same and that every person reacts in his own way to those truffles, but geez, what a wonderful experience I would give everyone if I was experiencing it myself!’

“It felt amazing, intense and logical”

Love

After the trip wore off I hurried home. To Rikki and Jazz. To hug them and tell them about my experience that afternoon. They were on their phones, occasionally looking up with a look that betrayed they hadn’t even heard half of what I was saying, and I was enjoying it. I was love. I am love. It stung behind my eyes. Again. And this time there were no tears. The beginning is here.

PS: If you ever want to experience such a trip yourself, it is important to always do it under the guidance of
an expert.