‘Pain that I carry with me forever, but from which I also draw strength’

I’m back after three days of lying completely flat in our bedroom with the windows and curtains closed, a blanket over my head and bottles of water and paracetamol next to my bed. I was sick of three migraine attacks (with aura) in succession. I was very sick and hadn’t felt this pain in years. I’ve had migraines since I was a teenager, later it got worse and I got eye migraines. Migraine with aura, where you lose sight in one or both eyes. I then see flashes of light or black spots, followed by the stabbing pain in my head. I became very aware again that nothing in life is more important than good health.

Epicurean

I think that my determination to get the most out of life, to push boundaries and fight for happiness and justice came about after the death of my sister Fleur, who passed away when she was 28 years old. A loss and pain that I will carry with me for the rest of my life, but from which I also gain strength. Twenty-eight, an age that I have already passed and that sometimes has a hard time with me. Why me and she not? She had a great desire to have children, but was never allowed to have children and I am the mother of three healthy children. It feels so unfair.

Fleur was a real bon vivant. She lived in Mexico for her tourism studies and enjoyed working there, and she gave ski lessons to young children in Austria for a while. She worked hard and lived hard, she enjoyed life. She went to every festival and danced like the best.

Life is short

Fleur got skin cancer (melanoma) and she died after a short but very intense illness. Fleuri is named after my sister, and we talk about dear Aunt Fleur every day. Fleuri has pasted a photo of Fleur in her diary and I tell stories from the past, about the special moments with my sister. We are nine and a half years apart and that’s why Fleur was always a mother figure to me. I am therefore determined to chase all my dreams and enjoy her twice over. I will always do what I say and not wait, because life is short and you live now. She protects us and travels with us, I am convinced of that. We feel her energy in our family.

Getting married on the square

When we were walking to the supermarket with the kids at 8:30 last night, we passed a wedding shop with amazingly beautiful dresses. It was dark and there was a dress in the window. Without hesitation, I said, ‘Wow, that’s my wedding dress…’ A Sex and the City moment flashed through my mind when Sarah Jessica Parker and Mister Big decided to get married at the council in a classic outfit, just with his’ n tweets. “Shall we do it that way?” I asked. “Just get married next week, with our three kids, rent a nice convertible and celebrate our honeymoon in Capri or drive to Sicily?” Arjen laughed, grabbed me and said: ‘All right, honey, as long as we have each other.’

So I’m going to go to that store with full enthusiasm to try on that dress. We will probably get married next week here on the beautiful square where you see a newlyweds walk out of the town hall every day with a big smile. As soon as we have our own house here, we will celebrate it again with the people we love. But the connection, saying yes to each other, being husband and wife and that here in Italy, that seems so special to me.

Also read: Bien: “Give me one of your children, and you’ll get my butcher’s shop,” he joked.

The most beautiful places in Puglia

We will soon be driving back to Monopoli, to our dear friend and lawyer Adalisa, to pick up our passes with Code Fiscale (in the Netherlands a citizen service number, ed.), with which we are officially registered. Adalisa requested that for us, because you need it for everything here. Do you want to settle here? Then first arrange a pass with your Code Fiscale.

Before I close, some tips for visiting Puglia:

• Monopoli: a somewhat raw city where you can shop crazy and eat delicious. Especially nice if you are just the two of you to sit in the city.
• Polignano al Mare: a very famous rocky beach in the center of Monopoli. You have to go down quite a flight of stairs to get there, but it’s worth it. It is better not to visit this place in July and August, because it is very busy.
• Ostuni: the white, most popular city of Puglia. You can rent a tuk-tuk for a ride through the city and around the wall. Very nice, and that way you also learn something about the city.
• Locorotondo: a quiet, but incredibly beautiful town with the best restaurants with a view over the Valle d’Itria.
• Martina Franca: a lively city where you can also eat delicious sushi, rest in a park and eat the tastiest fish at restaurant La Rotonda.
• Lecce: a must-see, because if you like history and archaeological excavations from Roman times, you will find the most beautiful places in Lecce.
• Alberobello: there you walk through the romantic streets with only Trulli’s, the white pointed houses for which Puglia is so famous.

Tip: it is best to fly to Bari. Are you holidaying near Lecce? Then fly to Brindisi. You can easily rent a car at the airport.

Whatever you focus on will grow, whatever you nurture will grow. If you exhaust your negative and put your energy into begrudging other people’s happiness, your dissatisfaction will also grow and you will end up in a negative spiral. when you nurture your goals, pursue your dreams, and invest in making your happiness a reality, you will see that beautiful things will happen and come your way.

See you next Saturday!

Bacio, Bieno

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