‘Our big dream is to one day create a soundproof SM basement’
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Sanne (40), seven years together with Pieter (38), sons Johan (20), Remco (17), Jonny (11) and Joep (4).
“The very first line in my Tinder profile stated that I had children, the youngest of whom was only four years old. If a man couldn’t deal with that, he didn’t have to respond. Honestly, I wasn’t even looking for a new relationship, rather a buddy. Marriage to my sons’ father had been toxic. My ex abused us both mentally and physically and it had taken a lot of effort to free myself from that. Now that I was single again for a while, I wanted some entitlement. From an adult person.
Match
Pieter and I turned out to be a match on Tinder, but neither of us made the first contact. Until suddenly he was spontaneously introduced as a possible friend on Facebook. Apparently the universe wanted to tell me something. I added him and we got into a conversation. We video chatted with each other and agreed for a date after a few weeks. At my house, because I didn’t have a babysitter. Just for fun. Pieter also just got out of a bad relationship, he wanted to take it easy just like me.
“He also just got out of a bad relationship, he wanted to take it easy like me”
But when I opened the door and looked into Pieter’s eyes, the flames knocked me out. He kissed me and I really took off from the ground. There were no violins yet. Conversely, Pieter was also instantly in love. Things went very quickly between us after that. In fact, he never left.
My three kids didn’t deter him, nor did my decent backpack. At that time I was suffering from major panic and anxiety attacks. For example, I didn’t dare eat out and hardly go out on the street. Pieter was very understanding, supported me and I was allowed to be myself with him. He also turned out to be a super sweet stepfather. Even Jonny, who had been beaten up by the past and no longer trusted a man, was sitting on his lap within five minutes. Pieter is also really his daddy to him.
Making love almost daily
Especially nice was the incredibly strong physical attraction between us. In the beginning we had to wait until the kids were in bed. When Jonny went upstairs, I was forced to send the oldest two to their rooms with a warning not to come out. The living room in particular was off limits. That way Pieter and I could still make love undisturbed and unheard.
“Sex is extremely important to both of us. It makes us happier and relaxed”
Sex is extremely important to both of us. It gives us energy, it makes us happier and relaxed. We therefore never say no, unless I have a very heavy period. I really believe in making sense. It’s like sports; you dread it beforehand, but after a yoga or fitness training you are happy. I believe you can trigger yourself – just as well kiss, caress; usually I’m back by then.
That’s why we do it almost every day since we met, except for a small dip after the birth of our son Joep. I struggled with postpartum depression four years ago and the baby also slept in our bed. We barely had freedom of movement and often had to make do with a quick sex in the shower. Or if my mother-in-law was babysitting a quickie in the car or in the woods.
Read also – ‘Our sex life increased sixfold after I told him about my fantasies’ >
BDSM games
Fortunately, we picked up our high frequency again when Joep went to sleep in his own bed. We immediately put a lock on the bedroom door. The reason why we value privacy so much is because we are a bit more extreme when it comes to sex. For example, we like to play BDSM games where we dress up and use special toys. It is not my intention that just when I am tied up or naked with a blindfold on, a child who has had a scary dream or wants a sip of water enters.
“We like to play BDSM games where we dress up and use special toys”
We have now reached the point that if we are disturbed by one of our sons – Joep has already rattled the door handle twice with ‘hey, why is the door locked?’ – we pick up the thread of the lovemaking again. We have to, because if we have to wait until no more children live in our house, it will be twenty years later.
One night alone
But usually the most extreme games save until we’re away for the weekend or really all night alone. Pieter invents entire scenarios that he writes down in advance in his telephone. As soon as we have the whole house to ourselves, we can go uninhibited and unpack completely.
The start is in the bedroom, where a set of clothes is waiting for me: pantyhose with open crotch, sexy lingerie or a latex or net suit. I have no idea what’s going to happen. I only know that afterwards I have to go downstairs, where Pieter is waiting for me on the bench. But the moment I change, the tension rises and I get in the mood.
“He pretends to be a window cleaner, gives me orders and ‘punishes’ me with whips or taps”
My role is often that of the submissive, the slave, Pieter my stern master. He pretends to be a burglar or a window cleaner. He gives me orders and ‘punishes’ me with whips or taps. It may be strange that I enjoy masochism, given my abusive ex, but it actually helps me cope. I dare to surrender completely to Pieter. There are times when he grabs me hard, penetrates me with his hands around my neck, but a moment later I feel his arms around me lovingly again.
SM basement
Because of the time it takes to play and the absolute necessity of being childless, we can’t get into BDSM too often. Our big dream is to one day create an SM basement or room that we soundproof and where we place all kinds of special attributes such as a hanging chair. Similar to what you saw in the Fifty Shadesmovies. We now have to make do with hooks in the ceiling of our bedroom, a cupboard full of craziness and our imagination. Fortunately, it is limitless.”
Do you also want to be interviewed for this section? Then you will receive a ‘fun package’ from EasyToys worth € 75. Mail to redactie@kekmama.nl.
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This article appears in Kek Mama 10-2022.
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