‘Only my sisters and I know who my son’s father is’

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Mela was not at all expecting that she became pregnant after that one drunken evening with a married man. Not even with her ardent desire to have children.

Mela (28) is a single mother of a son (3).

“He was bound, I also knew that when it became very cozy with Shareef during a third half at the football club where I play. He trained the junior girls, I played in a women’s team. He was ten years older than me, but that didn’t stop me from finding him incredibly attractive. Everyone trained by him adored him. No wonder he had been happily married for years and had two daughters by blood.

wish for children

As a young girl I knew I wanted to be a mother, and preferably before I was twenty-five. My mother and aunts also had children at a young age. It had given me a fun, busy and playful childhood, I wanted that for my children too.

My first and only serious relationship broke down when I was twenty-three, so I couldn’t see the fulfillment of my wish to become a mother soon. And then, over the umpteenth bacardi cola, I got talking to Shareef.

“I told about my wish to have children, he about his marital problems”

We’d known each other through football for years, but our conversations had always been superficial. Now I just put my wish to have children on the table. Shareef, in turn, spoke honestly about the rough weather his marriage was in. He wanted a third child, but his wife was done with it.

I don’t know what made me dare to open up like that, but suddenly I was sitting with tears in my eyes. Of course my wish to have children would be fine, I was only twenty-four. But in my dreams I had pictured myself at this age with the ‘complete picture’.

donor

The first house to buy, married and if only I was given it, with a baby on my arm. Not single in a rented flat, with a resounding desire to have children and no prospect of a relationship. “I’ll help you,” Shareef said suddenly. Act normal, I thought. He was already a father and destroying a marriage was the last thing I wanted. “Think about it calmly,” he insisted. ‘I won’t be a daddy, see me as a donor, but I like it if I could see my child a few times a year. Then after a few years we’ll see what we tell him or her about me.’

I was shocked. Was he serious about this? Then we should at least discuss it with his wife. Have to draw up a contract in whatever form. And did I really want to, consciously become a single mother of a father I actually liked more than just? It seemed anything but sensible to me.

Also read – ‘I have a child from a secret affair with a married man’ >

That one drunken night

The glass baco kept coming, and before I knew it I was sitting in the car in a deserted parking lot near Shareef. Both unable to drive, or to think clearly. The first kiss left us defenseless, the lovemaking that followed was all that didn’t suit me. Secretly, forbidden, vulgar. And incredibly tasty.

“Getting pregnant was the last thing I wanted”

On the bike home it seemed as if it had all been a dream. Until less than four weeks later I held a positive pregnancy test in my hand. Although Shareef had offered it herself, the last thing I wanted from that one drunken night was getting pregnant. I didn’t want him to think I set him up or ruin his marriage.

I promised him never to claim anything, provided that when my son was old enough, I would be allowed to tell him honestly who his father was. “That’s the responsibility I’m supposed to take for my action,” Shareef agreed.

The truth

I told the midwife and those close to me that Kavi was processed during a one-night stand with a man of whom I have no data. Only my sisters know how it is. I like that in case something ever happens to me, so I know for sure that one day Kavi will know the truth. I don’t play football anymore. Shareef has only seen his son in photos. I app him that once every few months.

Sometimes I lie awake feeling guilty towards his daughters, who don’t know they have a brother. And to Shareef’s wife, who knows nothing about any of this either. Yet I do not consider that my responsibility; I take care of my own child. That hopefully in the future will have a brother or sister.”

This article is in the Kek Mama Love Special 2022.

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