Networks support mothers in the balancing act between child and career

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Mothers, especially single parents, face a double burden in the career world. The exchange with others can help them to gain new impulses and to be strengthened for their private and professional everyday life.

Kristin Stein’s working day begins when the alarm clock rings at 5:30 a.m. – then her son has to be made fit for school. “I have to put him on the track first,” she smiles. The self-employed single parent then goes on to work on her professional tasks until the evening, as a coach she helps people on their way to professional success. In the evening, around 6 p.m., there is time for her son to continue. “We’ll do something, just have time together, but I don’t have time for myself,” she says. Finally she falls into bed, she needs sleep before the alarm clock goes off again in the morning.

Stein is one of 1.34 million single mothers in Germany, that is how many there were in 2019, according to the Federal Agency for Civic Education. 48.9 percent of them raised a child. Almost eleven percent had three or more children. They all juggle household, child-rearing, work and private life – alone and in constant use. With single parents, what is distributed over four shoulders in a partnership lies on two shoulders. “I had to do it all by myself,” says Stein looking back.

When she became pregnant, she was still living with her son’s father and was self-employed. After the separation, however, she switched to an employment relationship. “I thought that I was more secure in the world of employees and that I could do everything better that way,” says Stein. In addition to the hoped-for security, this also brought additional pressure. “I was too tied to the company, I was never able to attend school events,” she says. As a single mother, she always had to balance child and career.

There was not always support in the private sphere. At their son’s school, other mothers sometimes showed little understanding for the working people. “There was already talk of I work so much,” she says. While her commitment to management positions was seen as too much on the one hand, her further career advancement as a single mother was made more difficult, especially by women. “In career opportunities, women often put the lid on and said that I couldn’t do it,” she says. “I was really desperate and angry.”

The mother felt alone with the problems and longed for the freedom of independence again. “Then I used a moment that was strategically good and started my own business,” she recalls. What she missed was the exchange with mothers in similar situations. She found it on the network, for example Mentors. At that time she received little encouragement and therefore consciously sought exchange with others. She decided to join several networks. “Instead of belittling each other and speaking badly, we encourage each other,” she says. This is important in all situations and also outside of fixed networks.

In the network Mentors got to know Kristin Stein Dara Kossok-Spieß. Kossok-Spieß feels that she is in good hands in the network not only as a mother, but also as a woman with a migration background. She is a consultant for network policy and digitization at the German Retail Association. Kossok-Spieß shares all childcare tasks with her husband. She doesn’t do the lion’s share of the care work and her husband only supports, she explains. “He does as much as I do,” she says. After all, childcare is not automatically the mother’s sole responsibility.

Dara Kossok-Spieß values ​​equality and wants to pass this on. She launched a “diversity offensive” at the trade association. “With the offensive, I want to authentically show how colorful and diverse retail is already and discuss where and how diversity management needs to be improved,” she says. To this end, she is currently also working on a study in which she brought Pwc and Google on board as partners. In general, she is convinced that business should also take responsibility for helping to shape society.

In doing so, she also looks at her story. Born in Kazakhstan, she came to Germany with her single mother and brother when she was eight. “You don’t hear my migration background,” says Kossok-Spieß. That is her luck at work, because women with a migration background are disadvantaged in the labor market. “That is not a purely German problem, but rather a European one,” she says.

Therefore it is also with the Swan’s initiative committed, a network that stands up for women with a migration background and wants to help them on their professional path. “The wonderful thing about networks is that everyone grows with them and links are created,” says Kossok-Spieß.

Constanze Körner also agrees with the importance of networks. She is one of the directors of the Lesben Leben Familie (Les Le Fam) association. She coordinates projects and advises lesbian women with children with regard to their future careers. “In general, lesbian women are particularly challenged when they feel that they cannot come out,” she says.

The questions about the employer’s acceptance of one’s own sexual orientation also play a role Job changes play a role. “Lesbian women take a closer look at how the new company is doing,” says Körner. Especially when it comes to children, lesbian mothers are unsure because their families do not correspond to the heterosexual norm of the family of father, mother and child. “In the case of a pregnancy, for example, the question arises about the father or, when it comes to parental leave, where the child comes from with the non-biological mother,” she says.

According to Körner, exchange is important for all parents. “Networks help immensely, they also lead to transparency,” she says and also refers to the network Business womenthat is particularly committed to supporting lesbian women with careers. For mothers, regardless of their sexual orientation, they also offer Real mums a place for exchange. Mothers can also find professional inspiration at Mompreneurs. Whether it is a specialized career network or a general exchange, every contact can support mothers and provide them with new perspectives.