‘My son’s school friend stole money from my wallet’

Dorothee (35) is single mother of Bram (7) and Sjef (3).

“From the first day at his new school, this school year, it was a big target: my oldest son and Sem, the most talked about child in the class. I had just been divorced, my children were forced to go to a new school and childcare. I’ve been happy for a long time that Bram had a boyfriend right away. So I stimulated contact. Initiated playdates, and even took Sem camping for a weekend.

Money gone

In the meantime I discover that Sems’ much-discussed behavior in the schoolyard is not just based on gossip, as I initially thought. It started with small things. I sometimes missed money from my wallet, if Shem had been. Not much, but two euro coins, occasionally a five-dollar bill. I must have been wrong and spent it, I thought. Just like the fact that Bram came home almost every day with broken pants or shoes, was probably just part of the age.

Hidden candy

Until I found a big bag of candy in Bram’s duvet cover. When I asked him how he got it, he said, with a guilty look, “Got it. From Shem.’ He didn’t know why he hid it either, he thought I would get angry.

That was crazy. I had never caught Bram joking before. In fact, he was always the first to report that he ‘secretly’ took the last cookie from the tin when I was on the toilet. He never did anything rash either. Now I discovered that the holes in his pants and shoes were not because he had ‘fallen’, but because he – fearless purebred – climbed sheds with Sem, and had even climbed up to the roof of the school once.

Also read:
“Should I check if my husband is cheating?” †

I no longer recognize my child

More and more often I find candy wrappers that don’t come from home, he uses aggressive language and I get emails from the master because he was once again involved with Sem in a fight at school. I no longer recognize my own child.

After many and long talks, Bram recently admitted that he and Sem sometimes take money from my wallet together to buy candy. Shem does that at home too, he said. I explained that if he wants candy, he should just ask for it. And that he doesn’t get pocket money for nothing. That pecking is not allowed, and that no one thinks followers are cool. I asked him what he thinks of his behavior. Bram is well aware that this is unacceptable. He is just too influenced by Sem. His master agrees.

Reaction to the divorce

I don’t really want to forbid my child to hang out with certain children. He has to learn for himself who suits him, and what is good and bad. Moreover, it may well be a reaction to the divorce. His father has already run away from his life, he may well be afraid that his best friend will also run away if he is critical. And: he’s only seven. I don’t want to give him too much responsibility either.

Meanwhile, in Shem’s presence, the incidents go from bad to worse. Sem’s parents call it pranks and are not open to a conversation with me or our children. I doubt: should I ban the friendship between Bram and his horror boyfriend?

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