“My son’s boyfriend said ‘anything black’ is bad”

Image: Getty Images

Marina (38) is mother of Luca (11) and Jaylin (8).

“We knew that we were moving into a neighborhood where the majority of the homes were many times more luxurious than ours. ‘The camp’, they called our street with terraced houses, entirely according to the Vinex plan, which also included their already built houses. Naturally, my children became friends with the children who already lived there. They went to school together.

Closely friends

Luca immediately became close friends with Machiel, son of a wealthy family in the accountancy and legal profession. From the first day that Luca came over, it became clear that Machiel’s mother in particular did not appreciate my son’s painted nails (because fashion) and streetwear (also fashion). He later wanted to enter the hospitality industry? That as a mother I liked that! He had to become an economist, or something else that offered ‘real prospects’. How else would he survive?

I didn’t take my ten-year-old son’s cooking ambitions that seriously. Oh, I did stimulate them, nice if he helped with the cooking. Also unique if he wanted to make it his profession, because how creative and fun is that? But what does a ten-year-old know about what he wants for the rest of his life? Letting you discover freely was – and is – my motto.

“Luca and Machiel were inseparable, until Machiel’s mother forbade contact”

Luca and Machiel were inseparable until Machiel’s mother banned contact between the two last year. My son – polite and eager to learn at school – didn’t understand anything about it, but he found it worse that Machiel was no longer allowed to come to our house. In the absence of an explanation from his mother, I allowed him to come secretly. Machiel thought it was so cozy with us, he said. Because we joked, and I chatted with him. He clearly didn’t know that at home.

Read also – Mothers with a migration background talk about raising children of color in the Netherlands >

Prejudiced

Lately I’ve been getting weird signals from Luca. Machiel’s dog would not like our black dog because, according to Machiel, he has learned that ‘everything black’ is bad.

Luca’s father is Surinamese, so that statement touched him personally. I explained to Luca that people who think like this still have a lot to learn, because they don’t understand the world very well. But at the same time I witness how Machiel is increasingly openly racist and prejudiced – also towards children who grow up less well off than he did.

“He is increasingly openly racist and prejudiced”

I don’t want to forbid friendship in turn, because I want Luca to learn to make choices about who suits him and who doesn’t. But I can’t stop myself from occasionally giving Machiel a way of life message when he is with us. Hopefully the friendship will bleed to death on its own, or Machiel will rebel against his mother’s rigid views.”

Receive Kek Mama with a discount and free shipping on your doormat every month! Subscribe now and pay only €4.19 per edition.