“My daughter is a follower, how do I get her off?”
Image: Getty Images
Sometimes you can’t figure it out on your own and you could use some advice. So every week a reader talks about her dilemma.
Marit (37) lives with Ellard (40) and is the mother of Elin (9) and Maeve (6).
“’Don’t be like the others, there are enough of them already’, is written on a tile at my grandmother’s – she is still alive – on the toilet. Elin always has a good laugh about that. Grandma always talks in terms of wisdom, sometimes not quite up to date. I regularly impress upon my daughters that there is an important lesson in this proverb. That it’s good to be yourself, to stand for what your heart believes and to respect others for who they are. And yet my eldest daughter is a follower.
Follower
Uncertainty is part of growing up. And everyone wants to fit in. But Elin has gathered a group of friends around her who systematically exclude other children. The captain of the club shows bullying behavior and the rest follow her, including Elin.
“Her ‘friends’ ignored her for a week and made her the subject of bullying”
Recently, a fat girl in their class was victimized. A girl with whom Elin actually gets along very well, and with whom she visits. The bully scolded the girl after school, in the playground behind our house, for her posture and pulled up her skirt. That was too much for Elin, and she stood up for the girl. The result: her ‘friends’ ignored her for a week and once even made her the subject of bullying by taking her school bag and throwing it over.
Read also – Research: many primary school children think that being mean online is just part of it >
Friendship
I tried to talk to Elin. About what true friendship is, why people bully, what it does to the victim. Elin understands it all perfectly, but her fear of being left out dominates.
The bullied girl does not blame Elin, but does not understand that Elin still wants to hang out with her friends. And honestly, I don’t understand that either. I’m glad she stands up for the people she cares about, but how do I teach her to deal with people who genuinely care about their fellow human beings?”
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