‘My daughter doesn’t care about her appearance and that annoys me’
As a young girl, Elaine used to sneak into her parents’ bedroom after school. “Without my mother knowing, I used her make-up,” she says. ‘She didn’t like it much, but I rubbed my face as much as possible and brushed my hair. It made me so happy. When I was old enough I bought my own makeup and a hair dryer, hair spray and mousse. I never left home without looking good, because how others saw me was very important to me. ‘
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bird’s Nest
The difference with her own daughter couldn’t be greater. “She doesn’t care at all what others think of her,” says Elaine. ‘She’s not interested in my makeup or a curling iron. Of course you don’t have to, because she is young. And I admire that she thinks she is completely fine the way she is, which is why I support her in her choice of clothes and shoes. But at the same time I also find it difficult and annoyed by her casual behavior. ‘
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It happens almost every day that her daughter sits on the couch with a messy haircut. “Well, feel free to call it a bird’s nest,” says Elaine, “the size of a bowling ball. I have to do my very best not to say anything about it. Why does she dress herself and brush her teeth, but refuse to brush her hair neatly? ‘
Dilemma
Elaine has done everything she can in recent years to get her daughter to do her hair. ‘I even bought her all kinds of different brushes, but to no avail. Eventually she lets it get to the point where her hair is full of tangles. And who can brush them out …? ‘
Elaine doesn’t care what her daughter takes. Even though she makes a ponytail that I don’t like – fine. The problem is she doesn’t do anything at all. ‘
She feels that Elaine is faced with a dilemma: she wants to give her daughter plenty of room to be herself, but she wants to intervene in a form of ‘neglect’. “I want my daughter to care enough about herself to do the basic things like wash and get dressed. Doing your hair is also part of that basic care, right? ‘
