“My boyfriend’s ex is cheating, how do I keep it constructive?”

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Sometimes you can’t figure it out on your own and you could use some advice. So every week a reader talks about her dilemma.

Chantal (37) is the mother of Thimo (8) and Sterrin (4). She has a relationship with Jean-Pierre (45).

“My marriage broke up during my second pregnancy. My ex and I are good friends, we give each other the world. But with my new friend’s ex, it’s a different story.

Win win

My ex and I desperately wanted another child, but for ourselves, not to enrich our joint family. After ten years together it was clear that we wanted very different things in life. The positive side was that this was easier to achieve with co-parenting.

My ex wanted to travel a lot and a city life, I wanted to live quietly in the countryside. When Sterrin was one year old, I found a home in a village under the smoke of our city, the father of my children went out into the wide world and took care of the children when he was home. Harmonious, win-win.

Read also – Co-parenting: ‘When the children are with their father, I lead a wild life’ >

Bother

I have been in a relationship with Jean-Pierre for three years. He has two sons the same age as my children, it clicks on all sides. Were it not for his ex. Since the moment she got wind of our relationship, she has been making life miserable for Jean-Pierre, and with it the rest of our composite family.

She takes the kids on unannounced trips in his weeks, shuts him out of school talks and medical matters, blackens him in front of the kids, and won’t tolerate any involvement on my part. I am also a divorced mother, I understand her emotion. But to keep it as pleasant and safe as possible for all children, I like to keep things constructive.

Tensions

I’ve tried to meet her, but she won’t. I, in turn, remain positive towards all children. I swallow it when she once again fails to show up to deliver Jean-Pierre’s children and change our plans when there are four of us instead of six. Yet it inevitably causes tension in my relationship. Because my friend’s ex makes life impossible not only for him, but also for my nuclear family. How do I keep this constructive?”

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