‘Mombracing should not go the other way’
Image: Nine IJff
Nina Pierson (37) is an entrepreneur, author, podcast maker and owner of SLA, Massagehuys, Mama’en and platform mamaen.nl. Her pillar Marijn Wigman (34) owns film production company Nuts & Bolts Film Company.
Nina Pierson (37) is mother of Ella (6), Bodi (4) and Jake (2). Her mainstay Marijn Wigman (34) is mother of Emilia (6) and son Cedric (4).
Nina: “We were pregnant for the first time at the same time and met at my mother’s pregnancy yoga. We immediately clicked. With our second pregnancies, there was only a two week difference in our due date. We also discussed the third one, but Marijn dropped out. Our lives continue to run in sync. In the past year we have both been in a process of personal development; Marijn is no longer together with the father of her children and I try to get in touch with myself more. We have really become soul mates. Marijn inspires me in terms of getting to know myself and how she makes room for difficult things and sadness.”
Marijn: “During such a period, only a few friends are really there for you. Nina taught me that it is also nice that my children go through something that is sad, but that they see that you can get through it together with love and trust. It’s nice that our kids are the same age. We often meet at the playground, drink a coffee, the children can play and we chat about everything we encounter.”
Making room
Nina: “When you are alone with your children you carry a lot of responsibility. Just by coming together you alleviate that. Children relax in a large group.”
Marijn: “No matter how busy she is, she is very patient with her children”
Marijn: “They often enjoy themselves better, you don’t have to entertain them all the time. Recently Nina was alone at home and I stayed with my children. I can ask Nina anything, it’s never too much for her. No matter how busy she is, she is very patient with her children. Always makes room for a moment of attention; cooking together or playing a game. That inspires me.”
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Limits
Nina: “I think it’s great how Marijn makes room for the grief of her children. If they say, “I miss Daddy when I’m with you,” then there may be. You can’t keep your children from all the pain, it’s how you deal with it that matters. I often say to others: ‘Good enough is also completely fine.’ But I am a perfectionist myself. At the same time I am compliant with parenting rules. Until I cross my own limit and suddenly get angry. Recently the children had a fight in the cargo bike. “And now it’s done!” I snapped. Then I will apologize.”
Nina: “I think it’s great from Marijn how she makes room for the sadness of her children”
Marijn: “It is also good that children see that mothers are sometimes angry and sad. We are not machines. Recently I got so angry that I first had to calm myself down in the bedroom for a few minutes. When I said sorry afterwards, my daughter asked if I got out of bed with the wrong leg, haha.”
Nina: “At times like this we call each other and reassure each other. “John, it can happen, it’s also good that they see your anger.” But mombracing does not have to go the other way, it is not the case that you are no longer allowed to be critical of each other.”
Marijn: “We are very honest with each other and say so even if we disagree. Or we give a signal: you take it a bit easier.”
A bond with yourself
Nina: “It all starts with building a relationship with yourself. I recommend that to other mothers as well. I was always only focused on my children and wanted to do everything for them. As a result, I lost a piece of myself. Now I invest in myself, by talking to a psychologist, homeopathy and writing a lot. This is how I get closer to my desires and wishes. Or as they say on the plane: first put on the oxygen mask yourself and only then with your children. That’s how it works with education. And you immediately set a good example, because I want my children to become adults who can take care of themselves.”
Nina: “With my platform mamaen.nl we guide women from pregnancy to their child’s second birthday, by offering information and products that support and empower women.”
87% of mothers in the Netherlands have to deal with mom shaming, according to research by Kek Mama. The editors found this so shocking that they started a campaign: Kek Mama launches mombracing, the counterpart of momshaming, and calls on all mothers to support each other instead of criticizing from now on.
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