Lili does BDSM: ‘I like to be someone’s sex slave’

“My lat relationship died during the corona lockdown. I knew in advance that Cees and I did not really match outside the bed. But it came March, we got a restraining order from the government and in order not to have to stand dry for weeks, we decided that he would move in with me and my son Sam. A bad idea. After a few weeks, tensions ran high.

Dominate

Cees and I had a wonderfully kinky BDSM relationship for three years in which he was the dominant, the master, and I his sub, the subordinate. That always went fine when we saw each other on the weekends. But now that we were living together, he still wanted me to obey him all day long while I was busy homeschooling, working, and parenting.

It went completely wrong when I made a sandwich for Sam, Cees asked me something and I thoughtlessly answered ‘yes’ instead of ‘yes sir’. Cees got angry and demanded that I come to him immediately. I refused, I was now above all a mother and Cees did not accept that. Not only did he want to dominate me 24/7, he also interfered with my upbringing. That went too far for me. I have a tremendous sense of responsibility and my child is always number one.

There was nothing for it but to break it up. With pain in my heart, yes. I miss sex terribly. But as exciting as I find the power play of orders, punishment and reward, as long as my son cannot take care of himself, it should be limited to after his bedtime.

Stair gate closed

I have no contact with Sam’s father. That means I’m always alone with Sam and my sex life mostly takes place in my house, wherever my child is. To stay out of earshot, I don’t have sex upstairs in my bedroom, but in the living room. I have an agreement with my son that if the stair gate is closed, he cannot just come down. If there is anything, he has to shout. He knows that Mommy has a friend visiting with whom she cuddles and that he should not be there. That works perfectly.

All bondages, handcuffs and attributes are also set for any urgent need: if there is something wrong with Sam, they should be released immediately. In any case, I always wait with my BDSM games until my son is fast asleep. When Cees was still living in the house, Sam apparently heard something after all and asked: “If you don’t do what he says, he will hit you, right?” Oops. That was not the intention. I explained to him that we were playing a theater game, and that was the end of it for Sam. But I was shocked – in the future I pay more attention when I am busy.

BDSM

BDSM is only something of the past three or four years. Until I was 40, I thought sex was boring. It was only when I started reading about BDSM on the advice of friends that I became interested in this way of sex. It felt like the missing link in my life. Previously, I always thought of a dingy Jambers couple at SM, where he is a good family man during the day who at night transforms into a leather executioner who pulls his wife like a dog with a chain behind him.

Not for me. I am much too sober for that. But it can also be done differently. The role plays that I play are a lot less stereotypical than the ‘housekeeper opposite Hannibal Lecter’, but very kinky. I must then carry out the wishes of my ‘stupid’, my master. In itself it is quite special that this suits me so well. I am naturally very dominant by nature, so you would not easily realize that I like to be someone’s sex slave. Yet I like dominant men and I am the one who likes to be overpowered during sex.

I am not in pain, by the way. I like a bit of spanking and when I’m really horny, I also like a hand around my throat or biting my nipples really hard. But I don’t want to have to fight physically and stand in the schoolyard with the bruises and welts. Or with the print of a leather collar around my neck in the pool.

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Exhaust valve

BDSM mainly takes place in my head. I find the thought that a man determines how and when I can cum, gives me commands or pulls my hair really hard, is fascinating and exciting. The game is really based on trust. There are risks involved, so you don’t just do it with a stranger.

When Cees left, my sex life was immediately dead. Not useful in a time when everything was uncertain due to corona and I had a lot of stress because of that alone. I missed my outlet. We stopped cold turkey and cut off all contact. I was so heartbroken about it. Really, quitting smoking is easier than saying goodbye to a guy you’ve had such a huge sexual connection with for three years. If he was with me on the weekend, we could easily have sex four times in a row.

Partner

That’s why I started looking for an alternative BDSM partner on FetLife, a kind of social media for kinky people. There I found a man with whom I have been experimenting a bit over the past month. He is nowhere near Cees. Much gentler. He loves me and now visits me twice a week. I keep warning him: don’t fall in love. I don’t want a relationship, I have it purely for sex. However, at the moment we are not ‘fucking’ yet. He fingers and eats me, but keeps his pants closed himself. It makes me a bit cranky. Sometimes I also ask: wouldn’t you take something off? But no, he doesn’t want that yet.

Actually, I don’t see any potential in a real sub / dom relationship with him. He’s too sweet. I like Vikings who drag me through their cave. By coincidence, I was recently at a friend’s house who had a new neighbor over. Such a tough, blonde, handsome Viking. I was openly flirting with him, but he didn’t bite. Maybe I’ll send him a message if he wants to have a coffee. He intrigues me. But then he must be open to BDSM. Once you go kinky, you can never go back, I always say. I can never have ‘vanilla sex’ again. Juicy positions are not for me. ”

Do you also want to be interviewed for this column? Then you get a ‘fun package’ from EasyToys, including naughty toys, massage candle, lubricant and sex dice. Mail to kekmama.nl@dpgmediamagazines.nl.

This article can be found in Kek Mama 02-2021.

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