Jorn about fatherhood: ‘It is heavier than I expected’

Image: Eyeballs Photography

Jorn van het Hof (38) lives with Lin (33) and is the father of Fien (5) and Soe (3).

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“I have always loved children, as a toddler I was already interested in babies. I wanted nothing more than to be a father. Preferably even before my thirties, but things turned out differently. Lin is five years younger than me, and we were both busy with work. The moment just wasn’t there until we decided to go for it six years ago.”

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Nope

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“I thought I was well prepared for fatherhood, but I was wrong. Now I know: you can’t prepare for it at all. You really have to experience it for yourself. It’s heavier than I expected, especially to find the balance. Children logically demand a lot of time and attention, and because of that you quickly forget yourself and your relationship. That sometimes remains a delicate balance.”

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Logical

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“It drives my daughters crazy sometimes, but I love to cuddle so I take every opportunity. I just like having the girls close to me. And I like to teach them things, such as giving a box or new words. Also great to see how they come up with their own words, that makes me laugh a lot. Fien and Soe, for example, call binoculars a further viewer, and a sandwich a sandwich. In fact, they are right, their words make more sense.”

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Another approach

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“I think the best thing is that I grow together with my children. She literally, and I as a father and human being. They have made me much more patient. Fien is quite sensitive and had a lot of trouble going to primary school. That brought some anger and disruptive behavior with it. At first, Lin and I argued and asked why she was acting this way. It caused frustration for her and for us. Then we thought we had to approach her differently and more positively. We started by listening and acknowledging her feeling, then talking about it. That worked immediately, Fien became more relaxed and less fierce. No parent knows exactly how to do it, but you learn along the way.”

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Read also

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Reuse as a life motto: ‘We don’t want to be part of the throw-away society’ >

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Pride

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“I own a sustainable men’s clothing brand, studio subtl, and I think sustainability is important to pass on to the girls. We teach them to separate waste and they also know how harmful plastic is for the environment. When Fien sees plastic in a ditch, she fishes it out herself using a long branch. Then I explode with pride.”

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To admit

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“I am the consequence of the two of us. I think: if I’ve said something, I have to stick to it. But my girlfriend is easier at that, she admits sooner. In this we must find each other in the middle. Sometimes I have to loosen the reins a little more.”

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This article can be found in Kek Mama 02-2022.

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