‘I’ve worn out a lot of guys, but I didn’t know this passion and fervor’

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Charlotte (48) found a chance to date between the lockdowns. The skin hunger she had felt since her husband’s death had to be satisfied.

“Skin hunger is a concept that suddenly emerged during the corona pandemic, but which has been known among widows for a long time. The strong urge for physical contact: wanting to be touched and desired, kissing and cuddling. Many women who have lost their husbands have the same need, without necessarily wanting a new partner right away.

My husband Frank died suddenly of cardiac arrest three and a half years ago. He literally dropped dead. Immediately a lot came at me. I had to arrange a funeral, sell a business and take care of our three children. The eldest just started seventh grade, the youngest was only seven. There was hardly time to mourn myself, while I did have a lot of grief. Frank and I had known a happy marriage. His death really came like thunder.

skin hunger

I soon struggled with that enormous skin hunger. I’ve always loved sex. Frank and I made love once a week and were really crazy about each other. I missed the physical contact. Apart from my children, no one touched me anymore. I didn’t want to be alone forever, but for now it was okay. I didn’t have the energy to actively look for a man and I also found dating too complicated with three children.

During the first lockdown, when we were actually obliged to stay inside, it hit me. I had been a widow for three years now. Would this be my fate? Forever on my own? That thought seemed terrible to me. I was not yet fifty, far too young to be alone for the rest of my life. On a friend’s recommendation, I signed up for dating apps Happn and Tinder† A real meat selection, but actually exactly the same as what you normally do in the pub. Then you also judge someone by appearance.

The advantage is that you can already make a clear selection by selecting photos and chatting or calling beforehand. For example, I could immediately cancel the funny Prince Carnival for the date and go for the reliable labrador man – with whom it eventually didn’t work out, because we didn’t feel a connection. But still, it was nice to finally have a romantic meal with someone my own age.

To Aunt Sandra

Sven was the first man I had sex with again. Fast, successful businessman type. During our date on the beach, there was an erotic tension in the air. I knew right away that he wouldn’t be a potential life partner, our lifestyles were too different for that. But in bed the pieces flew off. I could easily let go of the thought of my dead husband and let myself go completely. I met Sven during school hours or I faked an appointment with a friend. The youngest began to notice: ‘Are you going to see Aunt Sandra again?’

After about three months we stopped with our sex escapades. Sven was nice, but not a guy I could grow old with. I went back to swiping on Tinder again. The contact left me wanting more and I desperately wanted someone to love me again and I loved him. Frank had always adored me. I wanted that again.

Also read: ‘During a lovemaking in the dunes, we suddenly heard footsteps’ >

Served at my beck and call

Last late summer I was served at my beck and call in the form of Olivier. A lovely tough guy. Slightly cheeky, but charming and respectful. We were on the same page from day one. Our lives matched: like me, he is self-employed and, although divorced, he co-parented his children, the same age as mine. We approached it carefully: once for a coffee, once for lunch plus a gentle kiss on the mouth and once on a glass of wine on the terrace, where we were kissing each other like teenagers in love.

It wasn’t until the fourth date that we had sex for the first time. And what sex! I’ve worn out a lot of guys in my puberty, but I didn’t know this passion and fervor. Maybe because I’m a bit older now and I dare to let myself go more? In any case, there is also a deep attraction between us. Olivier is almost fifty, but has good stamina and knows exactly what I like without me having to say it.

Get used to

At first I sneaked out to walk the dog when Olivier called and made excuses to see him. My kids now know that I’m sure to see someone I’m having a good time with. They don’t know Olivier personally yet, I understand that meeting mom’s boyfriend is difficult. They are extremely loyal to their father. I explained that I will never forget daddy and Olivier is not a replacement for him, but that you can love more than one person. Olivier and I are not rushing anything. The idea is to grow old together, so we really take the time to get all the kids used to the idea.

Until then, we try to enjoy each other as much as possible when we can. On average about three days a week. I still like to meet during school hours, or when the kids are with a friend. Nice lingerie, sometimes a bustier and suspenders and hop in the car to Olivier. He can also organize his own working time, which makes a difference.

Due to the corona measures, we could barely leave the house at the beginning of our relationship, so we did almost nothing but lie in bed and make love to each other. Still a hobby. We sometimes take it easy three times a day or part of the day. Then we laugh and say to each other: ‘How good we can do this, huh? It all fits just right!’ Between the lovemaking we lie very intimately against each other and therefore have the best conversations. I think he’s getting better by the day.”

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