“It’s such a gift to be able to enjoy a baby again eight years after Miles”

I understand that it is difficult for older children when their parents make certain choices. Choices that also concern them and that also influence their lives. I understood very well that Lewis, my eldest of eleven, was very upset when we told him that a brother or sister was coming.

I saddled my children with a divorce, a new boyfriend and a sister within a year. How flexible do you want your kids to be?

Resilient

If I’ve learned anything in recent years, it’s that people are incredibly resilient. I count myself among them, because I too have gone through pretty deep valleys. The moment you think it can’t get any worse, the bottom of the pit is nowhere in sight and you fall even deeper. Is that bad? No. Do you learn from it? Yes. Does it make you stronger? Yes, of course. Certain events in my life have taught me that I can always get up and get back on track. It wasn’t fun, but life isn’t always fun. These are lessons I want to pass on to my children. Sometimes there are things that are really annoying, but let’s see how we can work it out together. Can we help each other? Can we talk about it? Can I support you in anything? I noticed that throughout the pregnancy Lewis got better and better with this approach. We were there for him, listened to him. Still, it remained exciting how he would react once the baby arrived.

Don’t let go again

After Sophia’s birth we came home around 8.30 pm, the boys were with my parents. We had made a video call from the hospital and we already received a photo on WhatsApp of them happily toasting their new sister. After ten minutes they came home and they looked at Sophia with admiration. ‘So sweet and so small…’ they said, holding her hands. They thought her sounds were cute and they couldn’t stop stroking her cheeks. Lewis was the first to hold her and he didn’t want to let her go. He was acutely in love. Miles didn’t dare hold her for fear of hurting her, but once he did, a smile broke out which luckily was captured on photo. Extremely proud and happy. Their reactions made me so happy, it was everything I hoped for.

Read also: Ellen: “What a quick, equally painful, but very special delivery this was”

More flexible than we think

We are now twelve days further. Sophia is already part of the family and can no longer be ignored. When she’s whining Miles is right next to comfort her and Lewis admits he’s ‘really very nice‘ says with her. They want to help with everything and laugh their asses off when she burps or farts hard. She is (so far) a very sweet and sweet child and it is a lot of fun with the five of us. Children are more flexible than we think and as long as you are there for them, they can take quite a bit. I am convinced that we have done a good job by involving them in everything and by being open to a constant dialogue.

super dad

It remains a special time, that first week with a baby. It may be because she is the third, but we are all very relaxed together. Everything is super relaxed. Maternity care, dear Anne, only lasted four days. After that she would be alternated, but in consultation with the obstetrician that was no longer necessary. We were going to do it ourselves. We also kept the visit to a minimum, we thought it was more important to enjoy our child ourselves those first days. Nils is a super daddy, he wants to learn everything and loves to hold or bathe Sophia and proudly walks around with her in the baby carrier. It was wonderful to see how he was a father immediately after she was born, as if a switch had been turned. Fortunately, we actually have some time together, which is more valuable to me than anything. You will never get this time back and spending it together is not only good for us, but also for Sophia and the boys. We can only grow from this.

It is such a gift to be able to enjoy a baby again – eight years after Miles. I take the shredded nights for granted, the fatigue is not too bad. When you’re in a good mood and happy you can take a lot and I’m sure we radiate that to the guys. They are satisfied and happy, what more could a mother want?

Ellen is a counselor in secondary special education, an author at De Fontein publishers, mother of two boys (10 and 8) from a previous relationship and she has just given birth to a daughter with her new boyfriend. Read her previous columns here.

Would you like to read more beautiful and recognizable stories from fellow moms? Subscribe now and be the first to receive Kek Mama on your doormat every month.