‘It didn’t make me happier as a mother’
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Cut your own beans and make sure you can hold up your own pants, some mothers swear by it. However, pure independence is not always the best way.
Mom (40): “’Don’t ever become dependent on a guy,’ my mother shouted when she raised my sister and me on her own. So after graduating, I gave my all in my career. Only, the pressure I put on myself to be successful and therefore financially independent from my husband Jaco, didn’t make it any nicer as a mother of my children, aged four and seven.
When I came home from work tired, I was usually snappy. In the morning I was in a hurry and again I was unbearable. I could count on one hand the moments when I tinkered with the children or read a book.
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Financial independence
A year ago when my oldest broke her wrist at school and I was in a meeting across the country, something snapped. Was my financial independence really more important than being there for my children? Jaco made enough for both of us. The same month I quit my job. Since then I have worked a maximum of three mornings during school hours. Jaco and I are very happy together, but if things ever go wrong between us, I’ve built a piggy bank long enough to stand on our own two feet.”
Independent
Nicole (37): “After my divorce, I rented a flat. In dilapidated condition and in a neighborhood where you don’t want to raise a dog yet. I would probably soon meet a man and then I would live together again; I thought investing in an expensive house was the stupidest thing I could do. Until I realized I had to take care of my own life; “later with a man” may never come. With the help of my parents I bought a house for my children and me. The man I ran into next fell for my independence and strength. I leave him in that delusion.”
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