‘Instead of chaos, the children give me more structure’

Image: Mark Groeneveld

Whistling, entrepreneur Josh Veldhuizen put all her time and energy into her first ‘child’: her company. But then another child came, and another. “I knew: this has to change, because I also want to be a good mother.”

She is fashionably late. “How could it be otherwise for a fashion girl?” laughs Josh. For as long as she can remember she has been ‘just too late’. She likes to surround herself with people who have things in order. However, it has noted slight improvement in this area in recent years. “The arrival of children often causes more chaos, people say, but the opposite happens to me: the children give me more structure.”

Change of plans

Even before the birth of her daughter Alexis, Josh decided to radically change her business agenda. She remembers that moment well four years ago. “Nick and I really wanted children, but… not just yet. And suddenly I turned out to be pregnant! I had just sent my CFO and CEO away, we were in the midst of a move and remodel both business and private, so it felt like the worst timing ever to be pregnant.”

It turned out to be a reality check, says Josh, because the sudden change of plans forced her to look at her business differently.

“I knew immediately that I also wanted to be a good mother, and therefore had to organize my business life in a different way. I could no longer remain the micromanager who liked to be among her colleagues – really, I didn’t come to all the birthday parties at the time – but in the meantime I had about fifty people working for me. I worked day and night, flying from here to there. I decided to put together a management team, since then schedule fewer appointments per day and give myself more space than before. It’s the best decision ever, although I do miss the connection with colleagues from time to time. Anyway, again: I also want to be a good mother, so you have to make choices.”

first child

Her fashion company, which has been around for eleven years and has been expanded with JOSH V Home last year, regards Josh as her first child – one that deserved all the attention. “Until a week before Alexis gave birth, I was still running around in high heels and thinking: as soon as I feel well enough, I’ll take the baby to the office, and she can play in the playpen while I work. That expectation made no sense. That was not possible at all. But you won’t know until you experience it.”

“Until a week before the birth I was still running around in high heels”

In addition, due to complications, the birth turned out very differently than expected – Josh had severe fluxes and lost so much blood that she ended up on the operating table after delivery. “I had almost not been there,” she says, touched. “Especially for Nick it was terrible; During the 45 minutes that I was on the operating table, with Alexis in his arms, he didn’t know if I would make it.” Fortunately it went ‘well’. “I couldn’t help myself, I was unconscious. So when I later heard what had happened, it seemed like it was about someone else. I was terribly tired, but I could hardly remember anything about it.”

Also read – ‘I banned maternity visits for the first two weeks after giving birth’ >

Revalidation

In the end, Josh had to rehabilitate for six months to make up the lost blood on his own. “I couldn’t walk or speak in full sentences, I couldn’t do anything, I was so bad right after that fluxus. In the meantime, my team kept my business going, for which I am still immensely grateful. But I had no choice, I couldn’t go anywhere. Which, by the way, enabled me to spend a lot of time with Alexis in those first months, presumably even more than was ‘normal’.”

Together with Nick, she gave the traumatic birth a place. “We didn’t need follow-up conversations with the hospital or a psychologist, we wanted to move on with our lives.”

It wasn’t until Josh became pregnant with Elodi last year that the trauma kicked in. “I suddenly noticed how nervous I was and how exciting Nick found it all. I had serious panic attacks. Fortunately, we received good guidance from the hospital and the delivery was planned so tightly that we could not be faced with surprises. That reassured me.

“It wasn’t until after Elodi gave birth that I realized how bad I was with Alexis”

In the end, I was much more ready for the delivery than the first time. Thanks to all that help, Elodi’s birth became a fairytale birth. After that I was also very fit – which made me realize all the more how bad I was with Alexis. The extra long leave that we had planned also did me good. At home with Elodi and Alexis, that was a great pleasure.”

Dreamed order

The enjoyment also has to do with Elodi’s calm nature – a world of difference from her cheerful, always active sister, Josh laughs. “The contrast between the two was palpable in the stomach: Alexis was so strong and powerful that she kicked my bruised ribs, Elodi felt like a butterfly fluttering through my stomach.

“Elodi was like a butterfly that fluttered through my stomach”

In daily life there is also that difference: Alexis is the sunshine in the house, you can’t ignore her, Elodi is so calm that you sometimes almost forget she is there! In that respect, it is the ideal order”, Josh laughs. “Elodi is an incredibly nice, sweet addition to our blended family.”

Composite family

Because every other weekend Nino (15) and Luèn (13), Nick’s children from a previous relationship, also join the family in Laren. When Josh met Nick eight years ago, she knew he already had kids and came out of a long relationship. That’s why she immediately asked during one of their first dates if he still wanted to get married and have children. “I’m way too busy with work to waste my time on men who aren’t serious: I had to know.”

Fortunately, Nick turned out to be more than serious and he was allowed to move on to the next round quickly, Josh winks. “After six months we bought a house together and after three years I was pregnant with Alexis. The pace was good.”

The fact that Nick already had two older children didn’t deter Josh. On the contrary. “A lot of people said: where do you start? But I found the fact that Nick was such a serious, fun father really attractive. In addition, I love children and used to dream of a big family. I could never have dreamed that at 35 I would have a family with four children; I really consider Nino and Luen a huge bonus.”

The whole interview is in Kek Mama 08-2022.

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