‘If someone commits a criminal offense, there are consequences’
Patricia van Liemt is a radio host, writer and mother of Maria (12) and Phaedra (9). Every Friday she writes accurate, honest, funny and above all recognizable columns about her life and motherhood.
Trigger warning: this article is about sexual violence.
1 in 8 women in the Netherlands has been raped at some point. If you are between the ages of 12 and 24, the risk of being raped is another four times higher. Every year there are 100,000 victims of sexual assault, rape and/or abuse. These are rock-solid figures*, but don’t forget that these staggering numbers are based on actual tax returns. The true number is likely much higher.
Contents
Sexual violence
The problem of sexual violence is not always clear: it is often many-headed, elusive and widespread. This week was crystal clear for me. I decided to step out of the jury of the award show for which Johan Derksen was nominated. I think that two weeks after a horrific confession you should not immediately be given a podium again. The moral behind sexual abuse does not expire. Whether it happened yesterday or thirty years ago. The fact that someone thinks they can talk about that with dry eyes on national television, without reprisal, says a lot about this person.
Relive trauma
My resignation from the jury did not go unnoticed and I received many messages from women reliving their trauma. It turns out that articles, documentaries, programs or other items about sexual violence can usually evoke strong emotions in people who have experienced abuse themselves. Memories that have sometimes been hidden away for years can be activated by seeing, listening or reading an item about sexual violence.
Also criticism
There was also a lot of criticism of my decision. A term that was liked to be used as a counter-argument was that I canceled† I just don’t think that applies here. We are talking about a criminal offense here and if someone commits a criminal offence, there are consequences. That has nothing to do with cancellation. Anyway, before we get into a language debate, as a mother I would like to share the following figures and information with you.
Also read: Patricia: ‘No, we women don’t like dick pics!’
More and more online
Indeed, the most recent figures on sexual violence are very disturbing. The Offender Monitor* shows that victims and perpetrators are increasingly minors. More than a quarter of the perpetrators are under the age of eighteen. What plays a major role in this is that much more is happening online. During the lockdowns, there were twice as many reports of young people who were victims of sextortion (threatening to put nude images online if the victim does not pay). Unlike the ‘classic form’ of loverboys, which are preceded by months of build-up, a sexual offense is sometimes committed online within two days.
Breath in breath out
Despite these disturbing numbers, we are in a transition period in which we create a safer working, thinking and living environment for our children (yes, also for our sons, because 1 in 15 men has been raped at some point). Oh wait, I get a push message on my phone: ‘Today Inside back on television’. Breath in breath out. Okay, here we go again: 1 in 8 women in the Netherlands has been raped at some point. If you are between 12 and 24 years old…
*Source: CBS.nl, fondsslachtofferhulp.nl, centrumsexualgeweld.nl, www.nationaalrapporteur.nl
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