‘I left my baby home alone with the baby monitor’
Image: Getty Images
Nothing in life is black or white, and parenting always brings dilemmas. Even if the choice seems so clear at times.
Linda (29) is married to Taco (36) and mother of Mats (11 months).
“It was a huge dilemma. Choosing between two people who are dearest to me. And afterwards I chose the wrong one. I decided to leave my baby Mats home alone for four hours with the baby monitor at the neighbors, who are also good friends, to be able to be with my husband at my mother’s birthday.
Babysit
Taco and I had been trying to find a sitter for Mats weeks before. It was simply impossible to find. My mother can be demanding and coercive. As she turned sixty, it was vital to her that both Taco and I be present at the adults-only dinner at a star restaurant.
“There were plenty of alternatives if only I had followed my heart”
In hindsight, of course, I should have taken Mats with me anyway. Or let Taco stay home with him. Or have to put Mats in a camp bed with the neighbors. There were plenty of alternatives if only I had followed my heart. But under pressure from my family, I decided to do something that went against all my feelings: I left Mats at home, in his own bed, while the neighbors watched over the baby monitor.
Essentially, it didn’t matter much whether we approached a howl from downstairs, at the bottom of Mats’s room, or the neighbors from the side of Mats’s room, I explained it to myself. And so Taco and I drove away with a stone in our stomachs.
Also read – ‘I don’t want to take antidepressants while breastfeeding, but I’m getting more and more gloomy’ >
What if
First: it went well. Mats slept peacefully and did not notice our absence. But a fire could have broken out. We could have had an accident. And yes, then the neighbors would have sounded the alarm, but still. All evening I couldn’t get a bite down my throat. From start to finish I was on hot coals, terrified that something might be wrong with Mats. Taco and I skipped dessert and left, even sooner than my mother liked.
“I couldn’t get a bite down my throat the whole evening”
Weeks later, I’m still miserable with my decision. My mom has been icy quiet since dinner, and I’m chastising myself for my wrong decision. Never again will I let someone else drive me into a corner at the expense of my child, and I certainly will never leave him home alone again. Until he is at least fourteen, at least.”
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