‘I find it difficult that my eldest son is snowed under by his brothers’
Image: Getty Images
Nothing in life is black or white, and parenting always brings dilemmas. Even if the choice seems so clear at times.
Gazia (36) is married to Nico (39) and mother of Damon (11), Mike (10) and Joah (8).
“’Oh dear, a boy, that’s promising’, my sisters cooed with a wink when I found out I was pregnant with a boy during my first pregnancy.
Until now only girls had been born within the family, my sisters and I also grew up without brothers, and even without a father. Boy, we had no idea what it entailed. Bouncing, climbing and scrambling, was our image.
Great was the hilarity when my eldest sister’s daughters turned out to be the bouncing balls, and Damon showed himself to be calm. He rarely cried, slept through almost immediately, thought everything was fine and still prefers to sit on the couch with a book.
Read also – Don’t we forget the boys? ‘My son is afraid of the girls in his class’ >
Bad boys
The disillusionment was gigantic to say the least when my next two sons turned out to be the paragon of bad boys. The sweetest in the world, yes, but from the moment they could walk, I needed eyes in my back. Averting my gaze for a second always meant that one had clambered onto something high and perilous, the other had rashly slapped or demolished something. It was top sport to keep them in line, and it still is.
“It’s easy to ‘forget’ him, in all the attention his brothers demand”
While Nico and I run and fly to protect our youngest sons from rash actions, Damon gets snowed under more and more. He gets good grades in school, goes to bed on his own, and cleans his room without us even asking. It’s easy to ‘forget’ him, in all the attention his brothers demand.
Moreover, he not only sacrifices attention, but also rest. Because just watch a movie quietly, while your brothers are having a fight with the sofa cushions. Dividing our attention equally between the boys is a daily struggle.
Time together
Recently, Nico and I have been taking Damon on his own on weekends. Simply for a message, to the movie or library together. Damon does that well, but at the same time I feel guilty about that towards Mike and Joah. They in turn don’t seem to be aware of any separate treatments, so we’ll leave it that way for now.
Our hope is that ‘the little ones’ will calm down a bit in the future, and Damon will come out of his shell a bit more. And then I hope that it turns out that we have done well.”
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