‘I cried with happiness under the Christmas tree’

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For years Ingeborg and Roel’s lives were dominated by having a child, but that never came. Not even after all the treatments in the booklet. Until the very last IVF attempt.

Inborg (43): “Twelve years. For twelve years my friend Roel and I’s life was completely dominated by getting pregnant. I was thirty when I stopped taking the pill. We had everything on track: married, fully traveled, worked on our careers and just finished renovating our new home in a child-rich neighborhood. We were rightfully ready. But I didn’t get pregnant. Not by itself, not through IUI, not through IVF and ICSI didn’t seem to lead to the desired result either.

Roel and I take a break every now and then so as not to perish. We made a road trip through America, we only went to Australia and New Zealand one more time. ‘No one can take this away from us anymore’, we would say to each other. Of course it was no more than a flight.

To move house

At home there was that empty room that we had already assigned to our future son or daughter when we delivered our house. Although, empty… There were still a few unpacked moving boxes. It always hurt me to be there. Where we lived, you constantly saw children on scooters, neighbors behind prams and birth plates in gardens.

“I couldn’t take it anymore, being infertile between families where the rusks and mice could not be dragged in”

Three years ago I first suggested: ‘Shall we get out of here?’ I couldn’t take it anymore, being infertile between families where the rusks and mice could not be dragged. There came, as it should be, through a small farm on our path, in the middle of nowhere. We bought it on impulse, threw ourselves into the DIY business, and I started thinking a little bit in the back of my mind that this might just be it forever. Roel and I in that farmhouse. We took a dog. And Roel built a chicken coop. There was a little resignation. Just a little bit.

The last time

We had one more IVF attempt, but both weren’t sure if we wanted to use it. Roel leaned towards no. It always demanded so much from us, but especially from my body. Call it intuition, call it wanting to cling to that last straw, but I suddenly knew for sure: we had to go for it one more time, the very last time. I wasn’t for talking.

“I suddenly knew for sure: we had to go for it one more time, the very last time”

Roel asked if I had a certain feeling about it. I didn’t dare say that out loud. I told him I couldn’t live with it if we didn’t really do everything we could, but deep down there was indeed that premonition.

Read also – ‘After years of trying, our IVF attempt finally succeeded’ >

Pregnant

I can barely remember the moment we found out I was pregnant. I was in a daze. Full of disbelief too. It had never succeeded before; how could this all of a sudden? It was like a dream from which I didn’t wake up – and didn’t want to wake up.

Everything went well, I was slightly nauseous the first few months, got a beautiful round belly, the ultrasounds had the best possible results and I continued to work until 36 weeks without any problems.

“For the first time in twelve years, the holidays didn’t hurt”

Last November, after a smooth delivery, our daughter Bibi was born. More than a month later we sat with her under the Christmas tree, unwrapping presents with nieces and nephews. I cried with happiness. For the first time in twelve years, the holidays didn’t hurt. For the first time there wasn’t that hole, that emptiness. Everything was right. Roel, Bibi and I were finally that coveted family together – with Olaf the dog of course.

Long trajectory

It had all turned out so differently than I had imagined when I was thirty. No hordes of neighboring children and no playground on every corner of the street for Bibi. ‘We’ll buy her a goat or a Shetland pony,’ Roel joked recently. I think everything is fine.

I don’t need a Vinexwijk anymore, just give me the silence here. I am very happy with our little girl, but I still regularly think back to the long journey we have traveled with a stomach ache. My heart goes out to all the couples still in the middle of this. I wish everyone a sappy picture with the wrong Christmas sweater, because that’s our plan for this holiday season.”

This article is in the Kek Mama Winter Book 2022.

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