Chronically ill and grateful for life: four mothers tell

If you’re healthy, you may not always realize how valuable that is. These mothers have to give up many things in life because they are chronically ill. Yet they found a way to be thankful for what they do have.

Four mothers tell.

Very confrontational

Carlien (55), mother of three children, became disabled in 2019 due to an industrial accident. She was declared unfit for work and is in pain day and night. “I was so angry and sad, but most of all I felt powerless. I grew up with the idea that with hard work and perseverance everything will work out. But that survival strategy no longer works.” Faith has always been important to Carlien. But at the time, she wasn’t quite sure how to shape it. She worked hard for two years to recover, but she couldn’t. In the end she sought help. “It turned out I had PTSD and depression. Through EMDR therapy I got the help I needed. These sessions were extremely confrontational and difficult, because I had to admit the feeling of powerlessness, pain and sadness.”

‘I decided to look at it a day’

Nevertheless, there was a bright spot in Carlien’s life during this time. “Because I couldn’t do much because of the pain, I was home a lot. My children were overjoyed to see me so much and loved that I listen to their stories. But most importantly: that I was there. That was enough for them.” This was a first step towards gratitude for Carlien. She realized that despite everything she can’t do and how she felt, she loved being there for her children. From that moment on she kept a diary for which she is grateful. “I decided not to look too far ahead, but to look at it day by day. That was difficult, but I wanted to feel that gratitude. Now, a year later, I can honestly say that I enjoy the little things in life. I am also grateful for my faith and the people who support me unconditionally. Of course I am sometimes sad or I lie awake from the pain. But I can now say that I am grateful for everything I do have.”

‘I appreciate what I can do’

Maria (37), mother of two, also experiences gratitude, despite her chronic illness. In fact: “The very fact that I am sick has made me more grateful. Because I am often dependent on others, I appreciate all the more what I can do. For example, I really enjoy cycling through the park, because cycling is not always feasible for me. I am very lucky to have a sweet man with a lot of energy. He picks up on everything I can’t. He works full-time, bathes the children, cycles to school with our oldest and does the housework with me. I am so grateful for that.” Maria is also happy with the sympathy she receives because of her illness. Receiving mail when she is in a lot of pain does her very well. It even inspired her to design cards herself. “Last February my webshop MeMaree.nl opened. With this I found a way to send a bit of positivity into the world. And I do that with great pleasure.”

Also read: Yvonne is a chronic pain patient: ‘I am grateful for what my chronic illness has brought me’

‘We are a team’

For the chronically ill Bianca (43), mother of a son, it took years to experience gratitude. She was always an energetic woman who did a lot of sports, but she no longer has the strength and energy for that. “I also changed physically due to the medication and gained weight. This caused a lot of anger and frustration. It was actually a grieving process that I went through. But after many struggles and changes in my life, I am especially grateful that I am still here. I have to make many adjustments in my life. That’s not fun, but it’s possible.” Bianca changed her mindset and has been experiencing a lot of gratitude ever since. Especially for her husband, who never left her alone. “He is my strength and my great support. We haven’t completely mastered the battle with my illness yet, but we are a team. And the joy of my intensely laughing son when we can do something together again: that’s wonderful. I’m thankful I’m still there for him. The fact that I can face my life, albeit with even more challenges, gives me the strength to continue.”

‘Gratitude is in the little things’

Lenneke (47), mother of two, names three things every evening for which she is grateful. Yet she finds it difficult to actually feel it. “Of course I’m grateful for the things I write down, but all I really want is to get well and be an energetic mom. Unfortunately I have to rest. That’s difficult, I need help with that too. But slowly I notice that I am slowing down.

Gratitude is in myself and in the little things that happen around me every day. The sun through the window, the flowers my daughter points to, a freshly cooked meal or a delicious stack of pancakes. That’s when I realize it doesn’t have to be something big. I throw my notebook in the corner and am satisfied with this view. Gratitude is my new path to contentment.”

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