Boy’s mother Nathalie does not give up: ‘I want a girl’
Image: Getty Images
She already has everything for her girl baby, but for now Nathalie (31) has to make do with four sons. If she can’t have a daughter with her boyfriend, she even considers a donor to make her wish come true.
“I have always loved taking care of others. I think I inherited that from my father. He worked at a petting zoo. The love for animals, for others, for children: I clearly inherited that from him. He is now deceased, and my mother and sisters have that urge much less.
That nurturing has been there from an early age. I had several babysitting addresses where I took care of the children for years. When my first nephew was born, I thought it was fantastic. I liked to take him with me on the road and was always busy with him.
I grew up in a real girl’s house: my mother has four daughters. I have two older sisters and one younger one. I think part of my desire for girls certainly stems from the family I grew up in myself. My sisters have boys and girls, while I’m the only one with only boys.
A full house
You could say I have a house full. I am a single mother of four sons. Harry is thirteen, Peter eleven. They have the same father. Then I have a nine-year-old son, Jan, from father number two, and a five-year-old son, Kees, from the third father. We also have many animals at home: four parakeets and eight cats. I also have a boyfriend, who I don’t live with, and he has two children of his own: a ten-year-old son and a seven-year-old daughter. So we have a blended family of six children. We also really want a child together.
“We occasionally have big fights about these kinds of things”
There’s just one problem: our relationship is a little tense right now. It could just be that things go wrong between us. My boyfriend is dominant, strict and closed, while I am very free and open. I like people around me, I have a lot of friends, but I don’t know if I can keep seeing them all if we move in together. I’m on Facebook and TikTok, and he doesn’t support that either. I just want to keep doing my thing, preferably with him and with a child of ours. But we get into big fights about these things every now and then.
It’s hard because I love him and want to go for it. Everyone says I should go on alone, but that’s hard when you love someone. My wish, my dream to have a girl with him, is very strong.
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heavy pregnancy
I am now looking at whether I can have another child with my boyfriend, but if that is not possible for whatever reason, then I really want to do it alone. After my last delivery, when I was 27, I said: ‘I want to be sterilized right now.’ The pregnancy was tough, I was already past forty weeks, and I just kept walking around with that belly. I’ve never had that. I gave birth in three seconds, it went way too fast and my son almost died during the delivery.
It was pretty traumatic. But despite that difficult delivery, they didn’t want to sterilize me. They don’t do that before you’re thirty. In addition, they thought that I should think about it carefully and not make a hasty decision. I was firmly convinced that I didn’t want any more children; I was done with it. But after a few months I noticed: I still want a child, I want a girl! And I haven’t lost that feeling ever since.
“After a few months I noticed: I still want a child, I want a girl!”
Because I know how tough having children is, I don’t want to wait too long. Even though I’m only 31, of course I’m getting older too. And the older you get, the more likely it is to go wrong. Because of the time pressure, if it doesn’t work out with my current boyfriend, I want to start looking for a donor from next year, via the official route. It’s such a deep, deep desire to have another girl that I can’t get the idea out of my head.
Donor trajectory
A friend of mine has three children from a donor, she is single and a lesbian. Another friend has just completed the whole process, her child is now eleven months. Thanks to them I now know what the options are and which doors I have to knock on. There are friends who would like to help me with it, haha! But I don’t want it that way. I would prefer not to have a child from someone I know. Still, it’s nice to know that I have alternatives, if my current boyfriend doesn’t quite work out.
I will not only enter this donor process because I am getting older and the medical risks are increasing, but also because I enjoy being a young mother. I’m already noticing that a sleepless night really takes a toll. Recently one of my sons was sick one night and the next day I was devastated. I also resolved that, if I succeed, I will take it very easy. Now I’m busy all day, but then I would take my rest. Give me a baby and I’ll sit on the couch with it all day. Then you also relax, in a different way.
tutten
Now I can occasionally cuddle with my own boys. Apply creams, do their hair. But more and more often they start to struggle: ‘Mom, act normal.’ They don’t care anymore. Fortunately, I can still go wild with my stepdaughter. Putting makeup together, braiding her hair. Or we both wear the same dress.
“I did try to think: how important is that getut?”
She loves it, and I just love it so much. That shit, I love it. I’ve certainly tried to get over that, and to think: how important is that getut? But as soon as I see her, I start again: ‘Shall we?’ Then I grab the nail polish and we are both happy.
boy mom
All my friends have girls. I love that. In the beginning I thought: I really am a boy mother, but that wish, that dream to have another girl, remains. In the attic is a crib, the buggy, pink girls’ clothes. I’ve already bought everything for my daughter and got a lot of pink clothes from others because they know this is my dream. It’s really in it.
“If it is the fifth child again a boy, then it is no different”
How could a fifth child be a girl? If it’s a boy again, then it’s no different. Then I have to accept that I am a boy mom. With five children it is really enough, six children is really too much for me.
The eldest is now really a teenager and he has nothing to do with babies, but my other boys like it very much that I still hope for a girl. One of my sons said when we were hugging a friend’s baby, “Mom, I want a sister too.” I think that’s so sweet to hear. They sometimes say that girls are harder than boys, and when I look at my girlfriends, I think: yes, it is. My boys are so easy. But boys are very different, play differently. They are real mourners.
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a girl
Everyone around me knows I want another girl. Also because I just say that very often. Then I cuddle with someone else’s baby and then I say: ‘I want another daughter’ or I see a photo on Facebook of a baby, then I write: ‘Now my own girl.’ One says, ‘Huh? You already have four’, the other: ‘Yeah, nice.’ Friends of mine, whether they have one child or four, can sigh: ‘I’m done with it, I don’t need it anymore’, while I only think: hey, another one, nice!
“There are also people who think my footprint is big enough”
Of course there are also people who like that. Who think my footprint is big enough, or who don’t understand that I want another child. The ones with the fourth already said, “Geez, another one?” But yes, I think: whether there are four or five, it doesn’t matter anymore? What if this happens to be my dream? I think I should follow my dream.
Complete life
Napping together, shopping together: I can really see it. Going out for a bit, going out with my daughter. My sons play games and I hope I can do more with a daughter than with those guys. Those images go through my head, I really can’t get them out just like that.
At the moment I am on benefits, but I would really like to get an education. Something in healthcare seems interesting to me. I think I would be really good for that too. At first I thought: maybe I should do something with children, but I’ve come back from that idea. Then you will be among the children during the day, and between your own children in the evening. That might be too much. But something with elderly care or something, that seems like something to me. And that girl there, that really makes my life complete.”
For privacy reasons, the names of Nathalie and her sons have been changed. This article appears in Kek Mama 10-2022.
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