‘As a mother I cry about everything’
Image: Nine IJf
In the movie pregnant & co It’s all about one thing: being pregnant. But in real life, Lieke van Lexmond, Maaike Martens and Bo Maerten have a lot more to discuss. Three actresses about peace, cleanliness, regularity, laughing laughing and completely out of control.
“Congratulations!” Bo and Maaike shout to each other about the same time. Mosie, Bo’s son, just turned one and had his birthday on the same day as Maaike. “That creates a bond”, laughs Maaike. “Must be a nice guy”, she winks.
pregnant & co
The three actresses haven’t seen each other since pregnant & co was recorded in the fall of 2020. Initially, the coronavirus threw a spanner in the works, but now the film is finally in the cinema. In it, Lieke plays the introverted, single obstetrician Merel, Bo is her pregnant niece Eva and Maaike plays Annette, mother of two children who fledge, something that confronts her with her secret wish to have another baby.
Maaike: “Given Annette’s age, the question is whether it will still work. I recognize that feeling. I was 42 and already had two children when I realized that I still had a desire to have children. When I inquired at IVF clinics, I was almost immediately turned away. BAM.
I also felt that in that role: you may have been written off as a category, but who knows, you may still be lucky enough… Via via I made an appointment in a Belgian clinic where there were more options. In that respect I was more lucky than Annette: on the day of the appointment I turned out to be pregnant! I feel blessed that it worked.”
During the recordings
Bo, you were even pregnant during the recordings, that’s another method acting†
Bo: “That’s right, I found out a few days before the first day of shooting. Although I couldn’t tell anyone yet, it immediately gave an extra dimension; my character Eva, like me, got pregnant for the first time. It was intertwined in a funny way. I played that I had the first ultrasound, in reality I also had my first ultrasound that same week. When I look back at the film, I just know: Mosie was already there then. Though no one knew…”
“Bo: ‘In the week that I played that I had the first ultrasound, I really had my first ultrasound'”
Lieke: “To be honest, I could feel everything that you were pregnant: you were soft, dreamy and had a different energy. But yes, it is inappropriate to ask.”
Maaike: “I remember that I thought you had such a beautiful, voluptuous appearance… but I also thought: her shirts are very tight, haha. Later it turned out that you had already tried on all the outfits before you were pregnant and everything fell into place. I have nothing but praise for pregnant women on set, you have to hold in your belly or hold a handbag in front of it, then you’re warm again, then cold again, phew.”
Bo: “I was terribly tired. Once I fell asleep sitting in a chair between scenes. I was ashamed. I was happy when I could explain it.”
over-managing
How were the reactions?
Bo: “Everyone was super attentive. Lieke immediately came a day later with a present for the baby, I thought that was so sweet.”
Lieke: “When I hear that someone is becoming a mother for the first time, it immediately moves me. It is so very special and as a mother-to-be you don’t know how special that is going to be. I really had to restrain myself not to give a hundred pieces of advice, but at least I wanted to let you enjoy it as much as possible.
I even presented a big live show a few weeks after giving birth, now I think: what did I do to myself? The maternity period is so unique and so hard. You need help and time to figure everything out and cocoon. With yourself and your child. It is the first acquaintance with your child, dare to take all the time and space for it, because it is magical.”
Maaike: “But that is indeed quite complicated. After the success of The lice mother, I was in a good position in terms of career, but I couldn’t jump on that train because I was pregnant. For a moment I was very angry with all the men in the world: why can’t you give birth? When I finally had the success for which I had been working for years, I had to go back into my loft! At the time, that felt like a great injustice.
“Maaike: ‘I was just angry with all the men: why can’t you give birth?'”
In the end, it was the thrill that I was able to continue working during my pregnancy, and that the train continued to run afterward. In fact, motherhood strengthened me. I became more efficient, and where I used to live for art, I now lived for my children. That gave room to my playing, I let it celebrate a little more, which ultimately made me a better actress.”
Bo: “During the filming, your youngest was just six months old. I remember how you told me that you weren’t quite as precise with the third as you were with the first, but that it still went well. I thought that sounded very reassuring.”
Maaike: “Haha, with the first my friend Bart said: ‘We just pretend this is the second.’ Of course you don’t, but with number two you notice how much you were ‘over-managing’ with the first. Our toddler ‘just’ runs along, he is a boy, but is permanently wearing his sisters’ clothes. With the first you buy everything new, with number three you think: well, what does it matter?”
Also read: ‘I always thought maternity leave was like a holiday, but the opposite turned out to be true’ >
Plan
What has parenthood surprised you the most?
Bo: “That everything has to be planned. Everything! I well remember the first time I asked David, “Um, I’d like to take a shower, can you stay with Mosie for a while?” The most obvious things, such as taking a shower, are suddenly no longer possible without consultation.”
Lieke: “Yes, that takes some getting used to. I was always very restless, working hard and being everywhere and nowhere. I still love to go with the energy of the day and do spontaneous things, but that’s not possible if you live with several people in a family. You have to be on time for swimming lessons. I learned incredibly from it.
“Lieke: ‘Since I spend more time with them, I see a different energy in the boys'”
In the beginning I didn’t realize it, I ran from shot to shot, and when I got home I wanted to overcompensate out of guilt, but that didn’t work at all: the boys rebelled or just didn’t want to sleep. Logical: they wanted peace and time with their mother. I radically changed my priorities, since I spend more time with them and stand in the schoolyard myself, I see a different energy in the boys. That’s really beautiful. They are my mirror: if I am not in contact with myself, I immediately get that unrest from my children.”
Maaike: “I am also amazed at the complete emotion for life. I was already slightly melancholic, but since the children I’ve been a kind of open vein. Actually, my biggest change is that I can no longer live without waterproof mascara – I cry about everything. All the songs, rituals from the past that you have learned yourself come back in a different way.”
“Maaike: ‘I was already melancholic, but since the children I have been a kind of open vein'”
Bo: “I have that too. My parents always sang songs they made up for me, subconsciously I now do the same for Mosie.”
Maaike: “There is an added dimension: first you live for yourself, then for each other and now for an entire family. Bart and I are regularly laughing very hard and crying hard together, or we yell at each other that these really are tropical years, work, young children… I am sometimes so terribly tired, but you just pull it off. I think: you can linger in that tiredness, but you just have to deal with it, otherwise you miss all the beauty. That said, sometimes it really is an ordeal; pound, pound, plan.”
To balance
Bo, how do you experience the combination of work and motherhood?
Bo: “Since my leave I have shot two films. I had no qualms about leaving the nest because Mosie was with David, we really do it together. One time I’m at home, the other time he is, for the time being everything is going the way it is. It’s a very special time, Mosie is so young. I let it come to me, if a nice project comes my way, I take it.
“Bo: ‘Acting is running or standing still, and as a mother I actually think that’s the perfect job'”
In that respect, my ambition is unchanged. Acting is running or standing still, and as a mother I think that’s actually the perfect job so far; sometimes I’m not there for a while, then I have all the time for Mosie again.”
Lieke: “It continues to be a balancing act. Very often it goes too much to the left or to the right. At the time I doubted whether I should take on this role, my agenda was full of presentation tasks: do I have enough time left for my family?
“Lieke: ‘I explain to my children how much I like my work, that we live from fun and love'”
But Bas is a good stimulator in this. “Go on,” he assured me. ‘Film is your passion.’ That’s right. I also explain to my children how much I enjoy my work, I want them to know that I am interested in it. That we live out of fun and love, and that they should try to make their own party every day.”
Maaike: “I’m always looking for the vibrant element in life, so I dance a lot with my children in the living room. Don’t fill everything up, just let that body do its thing.”
The entire interview is in Kek Mama 07-2022.
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