‘A year of class parent? It became seven’

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Do you also want to be nice, are you suddenly a lice mother, free out-of-school care or football taxi for years.

Congratulations with your new job

Lilian (33), mother of Pluk (6) and Seb (1): “’Sure, I want that,’ I said unsuspectingly when I registered Pluk at primary school and I was asked to be a lice mother. I thought it would be fun to get to know all the kids at school like that. What I didn’t know was that apparently it wasn’t a one-time thing, but a permanent job. Before I knew it, I was introduced in the newsletter as the newest lice remover. Since then I have been hanging on the Wednesday after a school holiday for two years now, together with a colleague mother and armed with a comb and hooded coat, above three hundred children’s heads, looking for those itchy bitches.”

More stories from moms about all things mombracing? You read them here.

homeschooling

Liz (40), mother of Stef (15) and Nino (10): “On March 18, 2019, the country went into lockdown and parents were required to educate their children at home. Because Linda, the mother of Nino’s boyfriend Sam, has a so-called crucial profession, Sam was allowed to go to school. After a week alone at the master’s desk, he was deeply unhappy. Out of pity, I suggested to Linda that she should bring Sam to me on the days she was working. Under the guise of: where two (I also have an older son) can learn at the kitchen table, there can also be three. Moreover: how long would such a lockdown last? A month at most, I guess.

“Such a lockdown would last a month at most, I estimated”

Anyway, two years later and several mandatory home school weeks and quarantine days later, we all know how it ended. All those times I not only had my own children at home, but also ADHD-Sam. And that was hell. The kid can’t help it, but Sam has the concentration of a mosquito and his mouth doesn’t stand still for fifteen minutes. I was really knocked out after such a day that I had to keep three guys who would rather game than count on their feet.

Linda very sweetly brought me chocolate or grapes when she came to pick up Sam. She did inquire for the form whether it still suited me, but in fact she just assumed that her son could be dropped with me. And I didn’t have the balls to say anything about it. That is why every time there is a press conference, I am now terrified. pleaseno more school closures.”

The soup kitchen is nothing

Raquel (41), mother of Raphael (11) and Michaella (7): “My 80-year-old neighbor had fallen, broke her lower leg and had to recover on the couch for a few weeks. I thought it was so sad; that poor helpless person. Her own daughters live eighty kilometers away. She had to make do with home help and the microwave. So that time we ate pasta and I made too much, I had Raphael bring a plate across. And when I made a spicy bean dish, the buuf got too. The man was very happy with it. When the children came to collect the empty plate or pan, she continued to express her enormous thanks. It helped her so much. How very sweet of their mother.

That is precisely why I now, six months later, feel compelled to keep filling that pan. But every day. Even when we are not at home or I don’t really have time, I cook for the neighbor. My husband thinks I’m crazy. My children think it is exaggerated and even the daughters of the neighbor have said that it is really not necessary. But I do it anyway. Maybe because it’s normal in my culture – I’m Spanish by origin. I can’t bring myself to let her eat such a bland microwave meal. Fortunately, the neighbor likes spicy.”

Do I speak to the help desk?

Daphne, mother of Max (7): “’Your husband works in IT, doesn’t he? Would he like to check my computer sometime?’ The question from the mother in Max’s class caught me off guard so much that I stammered that it was all right. Without discussing it with Edwin. Fortunately, he didn’t think it was much of a problem. We knew the single mother in question through our children who are friends. And she got him some tasty cookies.

But somehow she thought about that one time when Edwin was her regular free computer helper. Wifi problems? Login lost? Updates you don’t want? Her oldest daughter’s school laptop is malfunctioning? She texts me and actually expects Edwin to show up. Edwin is now very disappointed. Only, precisely because she is always so happy and grateful and our children are still close friends, it is difficult to cut her off after three years.”

How is it actually?

Manon (44), mother of Isabelle (8) and Art (6): “There was silence in the hockey app when a parent was requested to whistle at our girls’ games. Even after a repeat call and the question after the training, no one came forward. My conscience was running out and suddenly I heard myself say I wanted to do it.

One drawback: I didn’t have a clue about the rules. Isabelle is new to hockey and I am non-athletic. I only just know when something is a penalty corner. Fortunately, Google offers a solution. I’ve been stuck with the rules of the game for days now.”

The taxi drives ahead

Jacqueline (44), mother of Steffi (14), Jasper (12) and Rik (10): “Compulsory voluntarily, that’s what I call driving to away games for football and hockey. We have a lease car, so the petrol is free. But that doesn’t mean that I also feel like picking up and dropping off all the children from the teams every week like a taxi service. However, that seems to be the case. I am not asked if I want to take someone with me, the app just reports which children I have this week.”

Also read: ‘We Dutch mothers can learn this from French mamans’ >

Getting a limo is also fun

Inge (29), mother of Bastiaan (9): “Football has always been my passion, so when my son’s team was looking for a temporary coach, I offered to train the team. I knew that. Not only does it involve training fifteen young dogs twice a week for an hour and a half, I also have to coach them on Saturdays. Add to that the hours of collecting balls, carrying goals and setting out fields and you get a nice part-time job. Fortunately I have one child and I can arrange it with my work. But for next season I will register as a lemonadehaler or outfit washer.”

Proud fluffy

Jolien (38), mother of Stijn (8), Lucas (6) and Carlijn (4): “I’ve been a lice parent for four years and I can’t move on to the better ‘functions’. Every year the teacher thinks: ah, Jolien will probably do it again this year. Or they see me busy at my one child’s class and ask if I can help in their class too. Then say no, because hardly anyone wants to do it. While head lice are something you don’t have to be ashamed of at all. I am very proud of my job.”

It got out of hand

Linda (40), mother of Chimaero (16), Valkyrja (14), Nyachdi (12), Qirinye (11) and Deagão (8 months): “A few years ago, one of my daughters had a friend in class who they had no money for groceries at home. When that girl came to play here she always asked for an extra candy, cookie or sandwich. After a while the penny dropped with me: would she be hungry? And sure enough, when I carefully inquired, it turned out that mom and dad were structurally short of money due to persistent administrative errors at authorities.

First I brought some extra for them when I went shopping, so that they could bake pancakes or eat fruit, for example. But that got too crazy after a while. As a family of, then still, six people, you cannot also provide for an extra family.

“Beware: before you know it you’ll be running a second food bank”

I went looking for initiatives in the area to see if there was somewhere to get food. More people from our village turned out to be affiliated with one of those food programs. Only transportation was always a problem. Not anymore, because I drove for the family in question anyway. Then I immediately took things for the rest. That soon expanded. More people came and we were also offered food to hand out.

That led to the establishment of my own initiative, together with my husband, our business advisor and a childhood friend: Stichting Dishmissed – No Waste. We have even been awarded the official ANBI status. What I want to say: watch out before you give someone a carton of milk and a carton of flour, before you know it you are the chairman of a foundation and you are running a second food bank.”

Successor wanted

Liset (41), mother of Éowyn (12), Derek (11) and Olaf (7): “Class parent, I thought: I’ll do that for a year. It became seven. Apparently the other parents thought I was doing well or there was just no one else around. Halfway through the year, parents would always complain that they hadn’t been asked, but when I offered to let them take over, I got zero response. Until I just didn’t attend the info evening and my husband, who went in my place, said I didn’t mind someone else taking on the task.

“Class parent, I thought: I’ll do that for a year. It became seven.”

I don’t mind a certain amount of parental participation at all, but I had three children at that school. So I was going to lice in one class, I made paper butterflies in the other class, and I arranged Easter breakfast at number three and made up the farewell song. Besides, it’s a big job. As a class parent you really do a lot more than just fill in the school trip list. You help with the Christmas decorations, Easter breakfast and Miss Day and you also bake pancakes for the school party. But you are also the one who sends all parents Tikkies for the year-end gift and has to keep going after it to actually receive the money.

Next year only Olaf will still be in primary school, then it will continue to run the library for an hour. I owe this task to Olaf himself. He had given me up for that: ‘Mom isn’t doing anything at school this year, so the library can do that.’”

A house full

Francis (38), mother of Caro (14) and Noa (10): “It is possible with us, I said spontaneously when the mother of one of Noa’s classmates told me that she was up in terms of childcare on Wednesday afternoon. I don’t work, our house is big enough and her daughter Saar is a real sweetheart. But then every Wednesday I now have a loft full at home.

Apparently she has told more mothers that I am at home and therefore available. Never mind, I love commotion. But sometimes I find it a bit too busy, especially when I have six claying, coloring, elasticating and screaming girls in the house. What I particularly dislike is the ease and the obviousness with which the children are dumped with me. But I’m not assertive enough to say anything about it.”

This article is featured in the Kek Mama Mombracing Special 2022.

77% of mothers in the Netherlands have to deal with mom shaming, according to research by Kek Mama. The editors found this so shocking that they started a campaign: Kek Mama is launching mombracing, the counterpart to momshaming, and calls on all mothers to support each other instead of criticizing each other.