‘A holiday with friends, I’m not starting it anymore’

Image: Getty Images

Liesbeth thought it would be such a great idea to go on holiday with her yoga friends, but the execution was a bit disappointing.

Liesbeth (39), divorced, mother of Jayden (4) and Mylena (2).

“After my divorce, I felt I had two choices: seek refuge in alcohol or seek refuge in yoga. It ended up being the latter and I joined a class at the local gym slash meeting center. Six women, all mothers, three recently divorced – we soon became a group of friends and we hung out long after yoga to chat.

away together

We also met outside the yoga classes, regularly with the children. Wonderful days that gave us all a lot of energy. It didn’t take long before someone shouted: ‘We have to go away for a weekend together!’ Everyone enthusiastically agreed. However, it turned out to be quite an arrangement to find a weekend where everyone could go, because co-parenting schedules and other agreements make such an almost impossible planning task.

‘Why don’t we go with the children for five days during the May holidays?’ eventually suggested someone and that turned out to be a much more feasible plan. We booked a large villa in a cottage park with a huge playground and swimming pool and without asking ourselves a few essential questions – five days wasn’t too long, for example – we headed in that direction.

So many mothers, so many opinions

The problem is: so many mothers, so many opinions. And no matter how much fun you can do yoga with each other and have long conversations, once you meet your friends in their role as mothers, it’s different. It just wasn’t a good idea to go out with six plus eleven kids. One day it will pass, because then you will be amazed at what you see happening and you will shrug your shoulders: everyone has their own upbringing and long live the fact that we are all different. But then you don’t have to.

“Five days is too long to think: well, let it go”

Two days will be more difficult, but five… Then you can’t ignore it anymore and the differences will also affect your own children. And five days is too long to think: oh well, let it go. Because where I think my children shouldn’t be squeaking but should just eat what the jar is serving – since the jar was not serving Brussels sprouts but pasta with tomato sauce or pizza or a meatball – two mothers were cooking separately for their children who didn’t have pasta or pizza. stayed. Dishonest, Jayden thought, and then try to keep your leg stiff.

Parenting Styles

But also: children who got out of bed fifty times and after a lot of ‘if you have one more time, then…’ were suddenly allowed to sit on the couch with us all evening and eat chips, while others in our party – myself for example – had themselves looking forward to a fun evening with the adults. Children who started screaming deafeningly when they didn’t get their way and then got their way. Children who didn’t want to go to the pool or just now immediately, and who also got their way.

Children who hit other children because they were angry and were not dealt with severely but were comforted understandingly (“He is also so sensitive to stimuli”), children who sat at the table with their dirty hands and stuck fingers full of bacteria in our sushi and were not corrected, kids making a huge mess and then not having to pick up a toy and I could go on and on. My kids aren’t saints, but I do deal with them when they don’t behave and I hoped others would too.

Also read – Oh well, it’s vacation: we’ll raise it again afterwards >

Girlfriends

But it wasn’t just the kids. The women I liked so much during our yoga class also turned out to be just a bit different in everyday life. Like the friend who used to be so sociable and now only complained about everything – the weather wasn’t good, the pool wasn’t good, the house wasn’t to her liking, the playground too boring, the food not good: really nothing was good enough according to her. Or the girlfriend who couldn’t handle it when she couldn’t decide everything. What we ate, what time we went where, what movie the kids watched—when someone else made a decision, she would reverse it to push her own way. Was this that relaxed woman I met every week?

There was also a friend who didn’t arrange or think of anything, but who did comment on everything. Then think of something, I wanted to snap, but I didn’t. I also found it difficult that one friend was yelling at her children all day – and loudly.

unsociable

Where I had hoped for a holiday full of cheerfulness and energy, I now felt wrung out. On day four I was through. Everything and everyone irritated me and I couldn’t hide it. That clashed. I retreated to my room to have a little cry. One of my friends came in, closed the door and said, “What are you crying about? I’m sorry, Lies, but we’ve talked about it and you’re really not having a good time.’

“Now I was suddenly the unsociable one?”

I could not believe my ears. Me, who constantly held back and just didn’t give an opinion at all? I was suddenly the unsociable one? It felt so unfair, especially since they had apparently discussed it with each other.

For the sweet peace

For, again, the sweet peace I dried my tears and said nothing. Then I put on a smile that couldn’t be chiseled off my face for the rest of the week. When I went to bed in the evening there were usually three children on the couch, so cozy girlfriends evenings were out of the question anyway.

After the holidays I took two more yoga classes and then canceled with the announcement that I had no more time. There were surprised reactions in the group app, but that was it. One thing I know for sure: holiday with friends, I will not start it again.”

This article is featured in the Kek Mama Summer Special 2022.

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