‘My husband was weighed down by our financial fifty-fifty rule’

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Every Sunday a mother tells the story behind the amount in her bank account. This week: Sheila earns more than her husband and felt she should spend more. But she came back from that.

Sheila (35): “I’ve never been in debt or borrowed – except for the mortgage. I love my job as an item director, it means never a dull moment† Sometimes I get a call from my bed in the middle of the night because something urgently needs to be played somewhere in the country. That doesn’t bother me: with a regular office job I would soon be wasted. But I don’t do it for nothing. I have always negotiated well about my salary, including by checking what others in my position were earning. I can recommend that to everyone.

Negotiate

When I felt in a previous job that my work was no longer in proportion to the compensation I received, I went to my supervisor with the message: I want to earn this. I thought it was so bland that they then sat down €60 under it that I said, ‘Then I’m leaving.’ Later that day I got a call from the director: if I could negotiate so well for myself, I would probably do the same for the program. I got €500 extra. For example, I kept taking a step up the financial ladder and now I earn € 3100 net per month for working four days a week.

Distribution

My husband is also a hard worker, but doesn’t earn nearly as much as I do. He works as a lighting technician for TV series and earns about € 2000 net. I have no problem with that, and neither does he. I’d rather have a committed dad who lets me sleep in and goes to the playground with our 9-year-old sons Dean and 5-year-old Mick than one who takes us twice a year on vacation but never changes diapers, like some girlfriends’ partners. .

We did have separate accounts for years, even after our sons were born. We both deposited exactly the same amount into the joint account, from which we paid the fixed costs. I hardly thought about that. It seemed only natural to me that I was entitled to more money for myself because I was earning more. I unconcernedly bought an expensive cream or a salad from a much too expensive vegetable jeweler without discussing it at home. Until one night we were at a party and I heard my husband tell someone that he often worried whether he could do his part for the next month. He was weighed down by our fifty-fifty rule.

Talking about money

It touched me that our appointment was causing him so much stress. I admire the enthusiasm with which he does his work and he is a fantastic father. I could never make it without him, I realized. When we talked about it, he told me that he had already brought it up before, but that I avoided such conversations. I had to agree with him. I may be good at negotiating, but otherwise I find talking about money an annoying pastime. I just want it settled, done. That is why I am also on a permanent basis, while as a freelancer I would earn more – but also have to deal with administration and invoices more. We sat down around the table and decided on a rigorous approach.

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All in one heap

From now on I would have my entire salary deposited into our joint account. We already shared our lives with each other, why not also our finances? From this joint account we pay the mortgage of € 1,300 and the other fixed costs, the after-school care of € 412, and we set aside a few hundred euros each month for our children. Of the €9000 that we now have in total, €8000 is in a separate savings account for our sons. If I want to buy something for myself, I do it from the joint account.

We also do errands, outings and other expenses from the and-or account. My husband’s income is also deposited on it. A while ago I agreed that he would spend just about all of our savings, apart from what we saved for the boys, on lighting equipment. It was about €10,000. Since owning that equipment and being able to rent it out, he earns about €2400 net per month. Furthermore, I decided to support him in his plan to train as a chef, a dream he had for a long time. Now, in addition to his regular work, he works in a restaurant two evenings a week. Then the care of the children falls on me. But he is freed from the monthly stress of making ends meet. And he’s happy, and that’s worth a lot to me.

Be aware of money

The fact that we now lump everything together sometimes leads to minor irritations. Then I don’t understand why he pins € 200 for a night out. Or he wonders why I would need a new phone. Neither of us have a cent of our own money. My car is now also his, his light set is partly owned by me. When my husband has less work for a month, I have to go to that cheaper hairdresser who actually cuts less nicely. I do not care. Since our big conversation about money, we schedule more conversations about finances. It has led to me being more aware of our money.

He now has a family car instead of an old-timer, because he too has made concessions. But what we haven’t saved on is our charitable contributions. We transfer a total of two hundred euros a month to Unicef, Cordaid, War Child, The Red Cross and Milieudefensie. My husband and I have traveled extensively in the past and seen with our own eyes how many families are less affected than us. With two young children at home and my job, I simply cannot manage to do volunteer work on Lesvos for a month, for example. But I will not cut corners on charities.”

This article was previously in Kek Mama†

More episodes from Bank Account? Every Sunday there is a new story on KekMama.nl. Read the previous episodes here.