‘Why are we so spasmodic about sex with our children?’
Patricia van Liemt is a radio host, writer and mother of Maria (11) and Phaedra (8). Every Friday she writes accurate, honest, funny and above all recognizable columns about her life and motherhood.
The idea of having to talk to your parents about sex still sends shivers down the spine of many of us. I remember one awkward conversation like it was yesterday. Followed by statements like: ‘Be careful’, ‘Be careful’ and ‘Just don’t do it’. Or: ‘Only when you’ve found the right one when you’re very old’ – that work.
Huge jets
My father worked for Playboy when I was little, but sex was still very squeamish in our family. So I think we were just an average family, because my friends didn’t get more information from their parents either.
It was the 80s and the busty Playmates were mine to go to† I grew up with the notion that sexy meant that A: was slim, B: had huge jets and C: mostly had sex in haystacks wearing cowboy boots. Furthermore, ‘The Bush’ aka a lot of pubic hair was the norm and the models – even then – only had one kind of labia; the perfect symmetrical bottom.
More equality
I also grew up with the phenomenon of ‘virgin’. A term that I have completely distanced myself from over time. It is mainly the girls who are the victims. In addition, the hymen is a myth. With some girls it has already stretched and if it ‘tears’, it just grows back. Just like a wound. Moreover, you almost never bleed on the first time penetration, but this blood is presented as virgin evidence in many cultures…
The stress these girls experience: After the wedding night, the man has to hang a bloody sheet outside as proof. Awful. The whole virgin story makes girls more vulnerable and we want to move towards a world with more equality, right?
Sex should be fun. And besides, 99 percent do it NOT to procreate, but for fun. Why should we be so spastic about this towards our children? We want them to lead a nice and happy life, right? And as far as I’m concerned, a healthy image of sex is part of that.
HPV shot
My oldest daughter just turned 12 and will be getting the HPV shot soon. It turns out that boys can also get this shot recently. Apparently, an HPV infection can also cause other types of cancer, such as cancers of the anus, penis, and mouth and pharynx, and these also occur in men. So you can get HPV through penetration, but also through blowjob, pussy eating, fingering or jerking.
So since I’m trying (and yes, I find it really hard, don’t get me wrong) to make sex just part and parcel, I asked my daughter if she knew what the jab is for. ‘Yes of course! And do you know what we call that shot, Mom?’
“Well?” I asked in amazement.
“The sex jab.”
Look, that’s plain language. The youth still has a future…
Patricia van Liemt is a radio host, writer and mother of 2 lab babies Maria (11) and Phaedra (8). She worked at Qmusic and 100% NL, among others. You can now hear her successful podcast series Let’s Talk About Sex(e) on GoodLIFE Radio. Her husband lives in Switzerland during the week, when she tries to combine kids, work and girls nights. In her debut novel ‘De Lab Baby’ she talks about her personal experiences with IVF.
More columns from Patricia? Every Friday there is a new column on KekMama.nl. Read the previous columns here.
