‘At the height of the app horror, I was in 68 group apps, just for the kids’

I would go mad

Suus (41), mother of Karlijn (14), Bas (11), Jolien (9) and Stef (9): “Being added to group apps unsolicited? Sorry, but I always unsubscribe immediately. Unkind? Perhaps. But it prevents burnout. At the height of the app horror, I was in – don’t worry – 68 different group apps, just for the kids.

Just think about it: four children, three different schools, four different classes, each with their own friends with invitations to parties and they all do two sports with their own apps. And then I haven’t even mentioned the ramifications such as ‘TrainerMarkgaattrouwen’ and ‘Gift Juffendag’. All day long, knocks, beeps, lights went off. Impractical, without information supply? That is doubtful.

I’m still logged in to the official school Parro and Magister apps. But in the self-formed groups you have a day job looking for the serious messages among the hundreds of nonsense messages and smileys. Usually I send an app to the relevant administrator asking if she really wants to pass on important information to me privately. Often no point if I explain my family composition with the complicated math sum about the crazy number of apps with ditto notifications.”

tabee folks

Carl (40), father of Boaz (10) and Mats (6): “Boaz has an incredibly good master, Master Mohammed. A fantastic man, very knowledgeable, but strict. I love it. Apparently I’m one of the few. At the end of group five, there was a lot of gossip in the class app about this master. Of course, the topic of conversation itself was not included.

I did mention once that Boaz was very happy to have the same teacher for the next class, but it didn’t help; there was a bombardment of negative comments. After all, Master Mohammed was a tyrant and his approach hurtful to the delicate souls of children. I felt so stupid. As if I was complicit in his conviction just by being in the group. After two days of grinding my teeth, I neatly signed out with a ‘goodbye in the group six app’ and got out.”

nice pûh

Laetitia (36), stepmother of Benjamin (6), mother of Benthe (1): “I’ve hated class apps ever since I heard I couldn’t be in them because I’m not Benjamin’s biological mother. What nonsense! I feed, clothe and hug the child who feels like my own and whom my husband co-parents. I then very demonstratively twice ignored a request to give things for a craft afternoon. Then no extra toilet roll to paint.”

Suffering in silence

Kelly (31), mother of Jazz (7) and Marly (3): “Call me a wimp, but I don’t dare to step out of group apps. Also not the most annoying birthday party apps that post 300 photos or those with runaway cats in the neighborhood. I think ‘Kelly has left the group app’ sounds the same as ‘Kelly walks out of the room with a stamped foot’. And so I remain a member of all those silly groups.”

Mother-in-law goes wild

Esmée (34), mother of Jasmijn (3) and Olly (6 months): “My mother-in-law doesn’t understand our family app. Not only does she start each message as if she were writing an e-mail, so complete with a salutation and conclusion, she also thinks it’s some kind of logbook in which she has to keep us informed every minute of the day about her ups and downs. life.

My sister-in-law and I are going crazy. No matter what we say, no matter how we or our husbands explain it’s more for sharing an event, a fun photo of the grandkids, or a family meeting, Mom-in-law sees it as her favorite means of communication. I’m overjoyed when we get the word at ten in the evening that she’s going to sleep. Can we rest for a while, before another hysterically happy morning greeting rings in.”

Find out for yourself

Niama (39), mother of Noor (11) and Lina (6): “It must be my own false nature, but I am very annoyed by lazy parents. Both in the dance and in the class app. The question of what time we collect or when there is gym can easily be found by scrolling up. And there is mail. There is google. If necessary, another mother that you can text. But no, some parents prefer to throw their question over the fence with all 34 parents: When is the Christmas holiday? When will the school photographer come? All the while I have to be on my fingers not to type something really ugly.”

sneak advertising

Puck (29), mother of Jason (5) and Liam (5): “We have a father in our kindergarten app who thinks this is some kind of advertising tool. He owns a butcher’s shop and likes to pass on the weekly commercials to us. A pound of minced meat for five euros, a gourmet package for ten euros. That work. And no one dares to speak to the best man about it.”

Can’t you read?

Hannah (44), mother of Romee (11): “At the start of the school year I draw up the rules for the class app: only share much-needed information, no unsubscribes and no congratulations. But nobody sticks to that. The question ‘who can help lice fluff tomorrow? Reply if you can’ is answered dozens of times with: ‘sorry, I’m at work’/’don’t have a babysitter’/’need to see a doctor’. If Pietje is ill, then I see ‘get well soon’ passing by 25 times and the same applies when it is Pietje’s birthday, but then with congratulations for Pietje. I have a job split and two classes and really don’t have time to struggle through 297 messages and congratulatory tsunamis every day.”

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Always the scarf

Ellen (39), mother of Daan (11) and Sofie (9) and Tim (7): “Group apps are preferably on silent and I usually scan once every three days what has been posted by the football coach, teacher, team supervisor or ballet teacher. That’s why I’m always the shawl.

If the tasks are divided in football, then ‘serving lemonade’ and ‘keeping time’ are already forgiven and I have to wash fourteen shirts. I’m just in the nick of time to arrange for one of us to be at a ballet performance, when that date has apparently been on the app for a week now. With my family’s Christmas dinner, I have been the main course for years now and at the school Christmas dinner, the cucumber slices or sausage rolls have long been claimed and something difficult culinary is expected of me. My own fault, I should not mute all those groups.”

Boobies!

Shanna (33), mother of David (14 months): “In itself there was nothing wrong with the photo I uploaded. You see a blushing baby drinking from its mother’s breast. A serene, loving and natural scene. But to send that photo of my bare boobies to all my colleagues at the municipality instead of to my husband, that was just not the intention. A case of hormonal blunder.”

nightmare scenario

Helen (40), mother of Bibi (6): “We have a ban on chatter in the class app. So the class mother makes the announcements, we are only allowed to read and, very exceptionally, if a specific question is asked, we can respond. In an unguarded moment, however, Bibi grabbed my phone and sent about twenty smileys and a picture of our dog. Right, right in that class app. I sometimes wake up drenched in sweat. I quickly erased everything. And apologize to the teacher.”

This article appears in Kek Mama 13-2021.

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