“I don’t want to go on holiday with my stepsons, can I do that?”

Annelies (40) is a single mother of Melle (11) and Simon (8). She is in a relationship with Peter (43), who also has two sons: Dylan (15) and Mike (13).

“How nice, a staircase, Peter and I said when we discussed our children during our first Tinder date. All boys too, increasing in age. That could only be fun. Three dates later, we were already fantasizing about how we would one day go on vacation. We at the rosé at the campsite, and the oldest with the youngest in tow. They would enjoy themselves just fine, place in the car seemed the only challenge.

Different than expected

Unfortunately, that turned out to be something different. Peter and I had been together for a little over a year when we introduced the children. I myself had met his boys a few times. I noticed that they were different types than my children. Tough, real football players, a little square in their communication. Very different from my soft sons, who would rather play chess than play in the street, and have many girlfriends because of their sensitivity. Nerds, in the eyes of Peter’s children.

The first meeting went quite smoothly. They had no common ground. Except gaming, then. But Peter’s kids loved playing bloody murder games, my boys only knew Minecraft. The first weekend we stayed with Peter, my children beeped after two hours that they wanted to go home. They didn’t like it there. We made a few more attempts with a weekend in a cottage as a final attempt, but all failed miserably. Our kids just don’t get along well.

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Get used to

Peter is having a hard time with it. They just have to adapt, he thinks. For example, we won’t be able to live together until the children have left the house, and that will take at least another ten years. That’s just how it is, I think; every other weekend all the guys go to our exes, and we have all the time for each other.

But Peter stands his ground. It’s a matter of getting used to, he thinks. So he suggested booking a big house in France this summer. Swimming pool, plenty of room. That way they wouldn’t get in each other’s hair. I get stressed just thinking about it. Soon I will be calming quarrels all day long, while I also need my rest. I then said that I would rather go alone with my boys. Then Peter and I will go together again outside the high season?

Things have cooled down between us ever since. I’m not giving our family a chance, says Peter. I just prefer to keep the peace. Can I make it to go on vacation alone with my kids?”

More episodes of the dilemma? Every Tuesday there is a new story on KekMama.nl. Read the previous dilemmas here.