Brenda runs a campsite for LGBTIQA+ youth

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“I was completely overwhelmed by love when I first organized pop-up camping De Paradijsvogel for lhbtiqa+ children and their parents last summer. Everyone got along, there was no bullying, children understood each other, parents suddenly lost their child, who had been hiding in the awning during holidays for years, to peers. It was serene, almost. This is what happens when you see that you are no different, when you are among like-minded people.

Celeste was fourteen when they returned from three days of theater camp beaming with confidence like I’d never seen. If only there was a place where my child and like-minded children would feel structurally safe and at home, I thought. This is how the idea for camping De Paradijsvogel was born.

School change

My child, born in a boy’s body, was always different. Loved high heels, long painted nails and long hair from a young age. Celeste liked to speak a lot of English and loved theater, but was bullied a lot at school.

“School said they could not guarantee Celestes safety”

It caused a school change twice. In 1 havo it went wrong. My child was chased down the hall, couldn’t have lunch in peace anymore. On Halloween we got a message from school: it was better if Celeste didn’t come to the Halloween party, because they couldn’t guarantee safety. We went anyway, me and a friend as a fake teacher on the sidelines. Fortunately, because my child walked upright, completely happy. Turns out something did happen afterwards – that’s how it goes under the radar.

Conflict

Thirteen was my child when it came down and said, “Mom, I don’t want to die, but I don’t know how to live either.” I was scared to death. Luckily I asked questions. How seriously did my child consider suicide? Not, it turned out, but people have no idea how difficult life is for transgender and nonbinary children and how brave it is that they continue to struggle to be themselves. And how young they wisely support each other to survive.

“People have no idea how difficult life is for transgender and nonbinary children”

Celeste turned out to be coaching a friend in need by giving those day jobs. I was amazed that my child knew what to do. But Celeste said, “Mom, I’ve been there too.”

Nonbinary

Initially my child came out as gay, more than a year later it became clear that non-binary better covered Celestes identity. It was no surprise to my ex and me, the bond with our child is extremely strong and unconditional. But society still does not always deal positively with a ‘different’ orientation or gender identity. It saddened me that difficult situations would be inevitable.

After the Halloween incident, I only became more proud that my child always stays true to himself. Celeste has a form of autism, maybe that will help in this case. However, we also changed schools after this period.

Resistance

Finally we found a colorful school in a larger town. My child is still being called gay there, the world is mercilessly harsh, but it is a little more manageable. Change comes with resistance. Then you can give way, or you stand on your feet, right behind your norms and values. That’s what Celeste taught me.

“Change takes getting used to; that’s it for me too’

At the same time, I understand that people find change difficult. That it takes some getting used to; that’s it for me too. I’ve learned not to ask what sex someone was born with, because it’s about how you feel, about your gender identity.

Read also – Patricia’s daughter about LGBTIQA+: ‘You adults are so difficult about it’ >

Bringing together

I am no different from other mothers, I just have a child who wants different things. The name my child received from my ex-husband and me has not been used for years; he did not fit our child’s identity. Peers in particular accept this without grumbling.

The openness of Celeste’s struggle has made me understand so well why you have to put these kids together and how much they need each other. Every (pre-)adolescent is sometimes not feeling well, but this is of a different order.

Oh, I’m definitely going to get criticized. With an lhbtiqa+ campsite I would only emphasize ‘being different’ and separate these children from society. Nonsense; only young people who love football and who integrate well also come to a football camp.

The Bird of Paradise

The first edition of De Paradijsvogel attracted about ninety people for seven days. Next summer we will have room for more than double the number of guests for seventeen days.

There are so many children in our audience who still struggle every day. Who are not yet in the right body and are confronted daily with a society in which they do not feel accepted. Waiting times at the gender clinic and in mental health care are getting longer. Parents on the camping site also hear each other. A whole community is created.

For Celeste it is also an enrichment. Among other things, he gives a catwalk workshop. Then everyone applauds until the participants walk over it with confidence, with the parents next to them.

Pronouns

It reads a bit awkward, doesn’t it, that ‘them’. I still struggle with my child’s pronouns. Celeste uses they/them/their. Society is not ready for that yet, but I think it’s important to respect them, even if it often makes the world think I have several children. In practice, I talk around it a bit. My friend Roger – we run a blended family with his daughters part-time – can’t do any of that, but he has the right intention.

Celeste now accepts that people are allowed to speak up before they get it right. I sometimes find it difficult that I put Celeste in the window with my initiative. But my child is braver than me and says, ‘Mom, look who’s reacting negatively, aren’t we above that?’”

Brenda knows how difficult it can be when your child is different. But these children are the birds of paradise in society, she thinks. They have the guts to be themselves, even if it means being left out and bullied. That is why she called her pop-up rainbow campsite in Flevoland ‘De Paradijsvogel’.

Knowing more? Camping De Paradijsvogel is open from 4 to 21 August and can be booked via Moederenzo.nl

Do you or does your child ever think about suicide? Talking helps. Call 0800-0113 or go to 113.nl