‘My ex keeps his address a secret, do I still have to give our children?’
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Sometimes you can’t figure it out on your own and you could use some advice. That is why every Tuesday a reader talks about her dilemma.
Minne (34) is divorced and mother of Jacob (6) and Carel (4).
“Since the divorce, a year ago, my children go to their father every other weekend. The contact between my ex and me is difficult to say the least, but because I take care of all the care tasks, fortunately we don’t have to discuss much.
Nevertheless, I think a minimal form of communication is important. When the children are ill, for example, whether a decision needs to be made about school, health or other important matters. My ex does not see the added value of this and rarely answers my messages. I can arrange it just fine on my own, he thinks, he doesn’t need more involvement. But cutting off our contact is now going so far that I’m not even allowed to know his new address.
Relocation
Three months ago he sold our house, where he had continued to live. He bought an apartment instead, but where exactly: no idea. He picks up the children since his move and brings them home after his weekend. Where he lives is his business, he says, it has nothing to do with us anymore.
Nonsense, I think. As a mother, do I have the right to know where my children are staying? But according to a legal advisor I consulted, that’s not true: as long as my ex has parental authority and he delivers the kids back at the agreed time, he doesn’t have to account for what he does with our kids and where.
Read also – Robine’s ex refuses to pay: ‘There is no room for anything extra’ >
A 06 number
Of course I don’t expect a message if he spends the night with the kids at his parents’ house, or anything along those lines. But shouldn’t I know their father’s home address? Although the children are registered with the municipality at my address, it is useful if his address is known at school alone. And he has to fill it out on consent forms when I travel abroad with them.
“In the meantime, I am considering not sending my children on his weekends anymore”
My ex thinks his 06 number contact details are enough, end of discussion. His family also does not reveal anything and he has no friends to find out his address. In the meantime, I’m considering not sending my kids on his weekends anymore. Or I fantasize about secretly chasing him once he has picked up the kids. But then I’m the one breaking the rules. What should I do?”
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