‘And they must be well made’

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Jo-Anna (42), mother of a daughter (11), has been dating a lot since she became single again. Especially with younger, well-hung men.

“Since my divorce I have been sexually unhinged. I am an active dating single with many changing bed partners. I generally keep track of how many lovers I have slept with in the past ten years and there have been about 150. Every now and then there was a ‘stayer’ in between. Someone I’ve been dating for longer.

A jerk who couldn’t be alone

Eight months ago, my last relationship ended after two years. As sad as it was, I only felt relief. Once we had a house together, he turned out not to be the gallant gentleman from our courtship, but a jerk looking for a nurse and companion. He couldn’t be alone.

We didn’t match at all sexually. My libido was much higher. He wanted at most twice a week, I every day. He was a supporter of swinging and swingers clubs. In itself I was open to that, but not as long as our sex life was not okay. I didn’t like the idea of ​​him pleasing other women on the weekends and rejecting me in the meantime.

Friends with benefits

As a single I’m having a great time now thanks to apps like Tinder, Happn and Badoo. As a woman you can have three different dates every night, the men offer is large. Especially if you – like me – make it clear that you are only out for sex. Or at most on friends with benefits. My ad is honest and direct. I am looking for men from the age of eighteen, preferably with an athletic muscular body.

I block men over 45. I find them unattractive, they often have a beer belly or don’t take good care of themselves. Youngsters often make more effort for the older woman. It’s not about finding a life partner for me, it’s about a fling, so I don’t have to make any concessions.

I also cut off perverts, men who want to make love without a condom or types who send dick pics. I usually respond mockingly with something like, is that all you have? My ad also states that I would like to find large tools. Cocks should be at least eight inches or nice and thick for me. No, it’s not about what he can do with it. I just want to feel the next day that I had a good night.

Full time mom

Another turn off is when men whine that they want to come over right away. In the week in which I have my daughter Sofie, that is an absolute no-go. I co-parent with my ex. If Sofie is with me, I’m a full-time mom, my app traffic is on pause and I don’t agree anything. Is there a guy who doesn’t accept that and still keeps begging for attention or thinks he can come over when my girl is asleep, I immediately block him. No matter how attractive he is.

Recently I heard a story of a man who stayed with a divorced mother with children. In the middle of the night, her children crawled into bed with them, while he lay there in his naked ass. I should not think about it. I keep my worlds strictly separate. My pleasure is not above the care of my child. Sophie doesn’t need to notice my wild world. She knows I have a boyfriend every now and then, but not how and what.

In the beginning, I wrote to my WhatsApp contacts not only their name, but also their place of residence and age. She sometimes sniffed in my phone and it was: ‘Damn mama, you don’t have friends of 22, do you?’ So I don’t do that anymore and I also ask the men to text me as little as possible during my co-parent week.

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Accurate planning

It’s only when my daughter is back with her father that I’m Joanna and I’m filling my calendar. That can also be three men in one weekend. I still love sex and would love to have sex every day. I choose my dates carefully. First I text for a while and sort out the real crazies of the men who want to come by purely out of lust. So far it has always gone well. I’ve never been threatened.

However, I am always careful when it comes to poor bed performance. I never show my displeasure at the moment supreme. You never know when someone will feel so hurt that they go crazy. If he wants to come over again, I’ll say, “I don’t feel we clicked very well, so thanks, but I’ll leave it at that.”

Premature truncation

When in doubt, I always cut off a date prematurely. I also indicate this in advance in our apps. I usually ask him after fifteen minutes if he wants me to stay or go. It’s rare that they let me leave. Otherwise I’ve had it a few times. Then such a guy turns out to be fifteen kilos heavier than in the photo or he has a horrible body odor. Then I don’t want tea or wine, but a glass of water. As soon as my glass is empty, I step up.

In any case, I always notify a friend of out-of-home dates, so that she knows where I am in case of an emergency. And at home there’s a baseball bat next to my bed. Then I joke to such a man: ‘Treat me well, otherwise I will take my club.’

match

In the future I would like to have a permanent relationship again, but first it has to be completely right in the bedroom. Before I fell in love, then lost my head and didn’t see if we matched between the sheets. I banged my head quite a bit with that. Both my daughter’s father and my last ex were selfish lovers. Now I choose myself. I only fall in love again when I have really found an equal sex partner. Someone who can satisfy me, wants sex just as often and is open to sex positions and swingers clubs. Until then, I am fully enjoying all the undivided attention of my young lovers.”

This article was previously published in Kek Mama.

More episodes from Mama about Sex? Every Sunday there is a story on KekMama.nl. Read the previous stories here.