‘When I took Mylo to his father, I cried in the car’

Image: fotovansam

In On the stage every other week let’s talk about motherhood with an influencer. This time we speak to Tess Muller, mother of Mylo (1).

Introduce

• Tess Muller (30)
• Relationship status: recently in love
• Children: Mylo (1, almost 2)
• Instagram: @tessdewi
• Number of followers: 12,000

You are a ‘momfluencer’: how did that come about?

“I used to share my outfits on Instagram, but after a while I stopped. During my pregnancy I wanted to keep a kind of diary, so why not online? I first shared maternity outfits and later also stories about motherhood. It is so nice to get in touch with other mothers. In fact, I have made quite a few friends.”

What do you hope to pass on to other women?

“A year ago, Mylo’s father and I separated. I’ve been very open and honest about that online. My followers are curious about how I approach single motherhood and find me a source of inspiration. I notice that many people are stuck in a relationship and only stay together for the kids. What I want to convey is that sometimes there’s nothing wrong with cutting that knot. Just for the children. I ran into that taboo myself. As a child of divorced parents, I didn’t want to end up like this, because that also hit me in the past. As a result, I continued to fight for my relationship for a long time. Until it didn’t work anymore: it was not a safe situation for my child and I was very unhappy.”

How did you experience the first period after the breakup?

“We lived with my father for ten months, in an attic room with a sofa bed. Before that I had a spacious house on the water, so it felt like thirty steps back. Unfortunately that house belonged to my ex and I didn’t have a leg to stand on. In the first months I felt like a failure: what am I doing? But after a while I felt stronger and more powerful. I’d done all this on my own. Since I went through a deep valley, I am so much more positive in life.”

Also read: Tess Muller gives a glimpse into her life as a single mother: ‘It’s best to suffer’

What makes single motherhood so challenging?

“When Mylo is ill, no one says: I’ll get us something to eat, I’ll take care of that. And I have to make a lot of decisions alone. Of course, I sometimes consult with my parents or with friends, but you prefer to do this with a partner. That I suddenly had to ‘share’ Mylo with his father – I was always a full-time mother – I found extremely intense. When I took him to his father, I cried in the car. That’s the downside of breaking up. I was afraid that the sadness would never pass, and somehow you don’t get used to being without your child for a few days, but you learn to live with it. People always feel sorry: ‘Oh, how annoying that you have to miss your child’, they say. But it’s just how you stand in it. There are also benefits. In the three days that Mylo is not there, I can do whatever I want, because I know he is in good hands. And before I know it, he’s back.”

You announced last week that you are in love. Tell!

“Dating took so much getting used to. After downloading the dating app Happn, I panicked: men saw me as a kind of reproductive machine. “Do you want more children?” they immediately asked. After two days I stopped, but I exchanged numbers with one person. We kept in touch and are now super in love with each other. Mylo did see him via FaceTime, but not in real life, I think that’s too early.”

What characterizes you as a mother?

“I always listen to the need of Mylo, a child of calm and regularity, and release him. So I don’t feed him, but let him do things on his own. I don’t speak in childish language and take it seriously. In that respect, I treat him like an adult. I already knew beforehand that as a mother I wanted to listen to my feelings – I am an emotional person. I have never found motherhood difficult. Yes, we also have difficult days, but in general everything goes very naturally.”

Have you ever had to deal with mom shaming?

“Yes very often. People like it that I put my son recognizable on Instagram. There are also mothers who say: ‘How selfish to give your child a broken home’. On the one hand, such a comment hurts, but at the same time I think: how short-sighted can you be. Of course I would not have wanted that, but it is the reality. It is what it is. I don’t lose sleep over such reactions.”

Do you want to know what the life of a single mother is like? Tess takes you in the miniseries on Kek Mama TV for four weeks.

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