‘Watch your words a little when you talk to your child’

“I’m so disappointed in you.” It still hurts me when I think about those words of my mother,” says Holly. Was she really disappointed in me? Probably not. She was disappointed by something I said or did, but it didn’t come across that way.’

However, Holly fully understands why her mother chose those words. ‘Because as parents we are sometimes stressed or not having our day. And then we say things we don’t mean. Or we prefer not to think about how our children interpret our words.’

Disappointed

However, according to her, we should pay more attention to our words. For example, words like ‘always’ or ‘never’ are not very wise to use. I remember my mother saying I always gave up or never tried hard enough. While there were certainly times when I did my best. Using ‘never’ or ‘always’ leaves no room for discussion. You unconsciously put your child in a corner before he has time to discover who he is.’

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Another example: you should know better. “Seriously?” says Holly. ‘Children sometimes do ridiculous things, but they are children. Plus, there are plenty of adults who do stupid things. Don’t blame your child by saying he should know better, but help him work on a solution.’

The same goes for complimenting your child, she continues. “It’s fine to say you’re proud of him and that he’s done his best, but be careful with words like: great, fantastic, and so on. If your child hears that when he gets a ten, and then he scores an eight, he might be disappointed. Because then he wouldn’t be so ‘fantastic’ anymore.

‘Be aware’

Of course: There are much worse words that can hurt your child emotionally or psychologically, Holly knows. “But it doesn’t hurt to be aware of how you talk to your kids. And yes, as parents we make mistakes. We sometimes say the wrong thing at the wrong time – and that’s okay. As long as we make a conscious effort to change our conversations. For the benefit of your child.’