‘This made him so sad’

Image: Getty Images

Anne-Marie (27) is mother of Janick (10), Norah-Lynn (8), Jesper (7), Lize-Lotte (5), Jentze (5) and Roza-Fiene (6 months).

“I was about to give Roza-Fiene a bottle, but had put her in the box for a while because I wanted to grab a burp cloth upstairs. She was crying as I walked up the stairs. Then I heard a bang and the house became dead silent. I sprinted downstairs, in the corner of my eye I saw that my husband Patrick (31) came running from the kitchen.

Fallen

At that moment Roza-Fiene started crying again and Janick lifted her off the ground. He said jerkily and jerkily that he wanted to comfort his sister and had lifted her out of the box to sit together on the bench next to it. He did that often and it always went well. Now Roza-Fiene had thrown her head back and had fallen from his arms to the floor. They were both completely upset.

I handcuffed her and told Janick this was an accident and there was nothing he could do about it. In my arms she calmed down and finished her bottle. Meanwhile, I googled “three-month-old baby fell, what to do?” We didn’t see anything strange about her at the time, but my gut feeling said otherwise.

General practice center

Not much later some family came over, because we were celebrating Norah-Lynn’s birthday that evening. Everyone was hanging over Roza-Fiene, we wanted to keep an eye on her.

Around ten o’clock she became jittery and kept grabbing her head. I put her on my knees and suddenly saw that her head had a different shape than before. The back of her head was much flatter and wider. I was shocked, didn’t want to go into the night like that and called the GP at the hospital. Luckily we were allowed to come right away.

“I was sick with fear and anxiety”

The other five were already in bed, they had gone to sleep with the idea that it was not too bad. My mother-in-law stayed to babysit, so that Patrick and I could go to the hospital together. That ride lasted twenty minutes, Roza-Fiene was now screaming and constantly grabbing her little head with her hands. I was sick with fear and anxiety.

For observation

The doctor immediately sent us to the emergency room. Roza-Fiene was examined there, among other things it was checked whether there was blood in her ears, the doctors did not immediately see anything alarming.

We had to explain in detail what had happened and answer many questions. The doctor explained that they have to do this to rule out child abuse. I felt that we had to apologize and prove ourselves, but we also immediately indicated that we would cooperate with everything.

Roza-Fiene had to stay for observation that night. Patrick went home to take care of the other children, I stayed with Roza-Fiene. He later told me that Janick had woken up when he got home and immediately asked about his sister. No matter how many times Patrick emphasized that it wasn’t his fault that she was in the hospital, Janick took it very seriously. Patrick put him in bed in my place, to provide security and safety.

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Not a wink

I didn’t sleep a wink that night, Roza-Fiene was restless because of the pain, the strange surroundings. A nurse came to check on her every hour. I hung over her bed all the time, wanted to keep looking at her.

I had a lot of things going through my mind, what if she doesn’t wake up, what if we lose her? Every once in a while I would look at pre-fall photos – there were tons of shots of her on my phone – and my suspicions were confirmed over and over again: her head is really deformed.

Scan

That morning the pediatrician came to see her. At first she did not find the situation alarming. I understood that; if you didn’t know Roza-Fiene, you saw a fairly normal head. She actually wanted to send us home, but I absolutely didn’t want that. I knew: this is not right.

Fortunately, she took my feeling seriously and asked if I could show pictures. Sure, from all sides. And then she was also convinced and a scan was immediately scheduled. Letting an awake baby of less than three months old lie still, that was not easy.

Only when I had her deeply asleep after a bottle could the scan be made. It showed two skull fractures, I burst into tears when I heard it. It confirmed my gut feeling, explained the pain and unrest in Roza-Fiene. I felt powerless, such a little darling who can’t say anything yet. Immediately I also thought of Janick; how will he react to this diagnosis?

Fractions

When we got home, we were honest about the two fractures, but also told him that a baby’s bones are fragile, that they can break and heal quickly. He slammed shut, pulled up a wall, and wouldn’t come by the hospital.

“He collapsed, pulled up a wall and did not want to come to the hospital”

A team of specialized doctors also watched the scans, because it had to be found out whether these fractures had really come through the fall. That felt rotten on the one hand, like we were wrongly accused of child abuse. On the other hand, we were happy that the images were also viewed by specialists. Suppose there was more going on, then they could see it. That was not the case and the fractures were indeed the result of the fall.

To trust

After three days we were allowed to go home. I wanted nothing more, my head exploded from the tension. Roza-Fiene had to rest a lot, she had a severe concussion. Fortunately, she recovered well and her head quickly regained its familiar shape.

Janick hasn’t touched her for weeks. Sometimes I asked if he would give her a bottle with me next to it. I wanted to give him the confidence that it is allowed, that he can do it. He acted indifferent, but I know my son: this grieved him so much.

“He was indifferent, but I know my son: this made him so sad”

Fortunately, after a while he was able to talk about it well with his grandfathers and grandmothers. Since then he has become a bit more open and he dares to hold her again, with one of us with him. He doesn’t pick her up on his own anymore and I get that. It was an accident and I know it. Still, something gnawed at me the first time: I wish I hadn’t walked upstairs for that cloth.

Extra careful

Her crib is still next to our bed, I keep a close eye on her day and night and am extremely careful. Not too hard in the bouncer, not just with the other kids.

The checks are always good, the back of her head is still a bit flat, but otherwise Roza-Fiene is back to the way she was. She is not restless, drinks well and grabs toys. I remain alert, but the worst worries seem to be over. It was an accident on a holiday, and that memory is inseparable from Norah-Lynn’s birthday.”

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