‘That my best friend traded me in was a dagger in my back’

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Amabel and Laurens have two daughters together: Esmée (7) and Loua (5).

“We shared everything, my best friend Chantal and I. Our clothes and deepest secrets, the care for each other’s children, who were the same age. My divorce didn’t come out of the blue for her, from the first cracks in my marriage I had discussed every relationship trouble with her.

Maybe she was even the deciding factor, when after a year and a half of couples therapy I was mentally even worse off than before. “Stop it, honey,” she said. ‘Divorce is bad, but a mother who is psychologically destroyed by her marriage is of no use to the children at all.’ It was the last confirmation I needed, and so Laurens and I, crying, made the decision.

Intertwined

Our friendship actually consisted of four people: Laurens and I and Chantal and her boyfriend Dennis. Although Chantal and I were the pivot, the men also got on well. I in turn had a good click with Dennis and Chantal with Laurens. And then our children almost saw each other as brothers and sisters; almost every weekend they stayed together. That complicated my divorce.

“Not for a second did it occur to me that this would jeopardize our friendship”

Chantal and Dennis lived a few blocks away, our lives were intertwined. As a result, our divorce also turned their lives upside down. Not for a second did it occur to me that my friendship with Chantal would be endangered. Yes, life would change. I moved across town and the kids would live with me half the time. But Laurens and I parted ways on good terms, we could theoretically still meet up with the four of us from time to time. And the sleepovers didn’t have to change.

Substitute

Practice turned out to be different. Less than a month after my move, Laurens turned out to have a new girlfriend. Younger, prettier, childless. My kids met her in the first month they were together, completely against the rules. Six months later they lived together. Chantal was idolized by Laurens’ new love.

“Our regular slumber evenings continued, but now with another woman in my place”

More and more often she turned down drinks evenings with me, she barely answered texts and phone calls. I heard from the kids that our regular games and slumber nights continued as usual, but now with another woman in my place. I was jealous, I admit. But most of all, I felt hurt. That Laurens replaced me so easily after ten years of marriage was one thing, but that my best friend traded me in for my ‘replacement’ was a stab in the back.

Also read – ‘I no longer have one-sided friendships’ >

The stocking off

I tried to start the conversation, but Chantal could hardly be reached. One night it worked. When I asked her if I had done something wrong and if there was anything I could do to restore our bond, she responded coldly: ‘Everything has its time. It’s also fun with Laurens and his girlfriend, you can’t deny me that.’ And that was the end of it.

Of course I didn’t deny her that friendship, no matter how hard I found it. Just like every other week I delivered the kids with lead in my shoes to my old life, the only one I was no longer a part of – it still feels lonely and painful. I have now picked up my life and I focus on my other friends. Apparently I made a big mistake about Chantal, but I can never forgive her.”

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