Teacher Dianne is concerned about student Sjors (10): “He is becoming quieter and his results are falling”

Tuesday morning. The children trickle into the classroom. I’m tired. My toddler daughter woke me up four times last night. Suddenly I get a pat on my back. Without looking back I know from whom: Sjors (10). He always feels flawlessly how I am. “Are you okay, miss?” he asks. Sjors, a teddy bear with brown hair and brown eyes, is the sweetest boy in the class. A pleaser. Always nice and kind to other children. When there’s a fight, he’s the peacemaker. He is also a fine student: he is smart, a perfectionist and works hard. He never scores lower than an eight.

But lately I’ve been worried about him. The lights in his beautiful eyes are gone. His shoulders hang. He no longer plays football during the break. His results plummet.

Table diploma

This morning we have table exam. I check everything during the break. Everyone passed the test. Except George. At ‘0 x 5 =’ he filled in ‘5’, at ‘9 x 5 =’: ’50’; mistakes he would normally never make. In the afternoon it spreads like wildfire through the class: Sjors did not get his table diploma. Everyone is a little upset. Fixed values ​​should not shift.

“Sjors, will you help me clean up the computer room after class?” I ask. I know he likes that, helping. As we sort through the messes, I say, “The day after tomorrow we’ll do the table diploma again, okay?” He nods dully. I grab the trash can and say I feel like he’s worrying about something. And that he can’t concentrate because of it. After much insistence, he tells me that his aunt is ill, and that his mother is sad about it. And that he doesn’t know how to help her.

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feelers

In the evening I call his mother, Maartje. She has also been concerned about Sjors for a while. He sleeps badly, is often nauseous. I ask her how her sick sister is doing. “How do you know my sister is sick?” she asks. I tell her that Sjors is concerned about her because she is concerned about her sister. Mary is surprised. Her sister has been depressed for some time and that’s what bothers Maartje, but she talks about it as little as possible at home, so as not to burden her family. Her eldest and her youngest sons simply go about their business, just like her husband Erik. But the feelers of Sjors, her middle one, are flawless.

Feelers can be annoying things. Especially for perfectionist people with many friends and lovers, who want to please them all. People like George. I regularly have children with a form of autism in my class; they must learn to empathize more with others. But there are also children who have the opposite. Who feel the grief of others too well and suffer from it. Sjors is one of those.

I give Maartje the number of a child therapist who has helped students of mine before. It is best for Sjors to learn to keep his feelers in check now. To be a little less of a perfectionist, a little less empathetic with others. He will surely try very hard. I will miss his pats.

This article was previously published in Kek Mama.

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