‘Should I forbid my ex to go on holiday with our children for three weeks?’

Henriëtte (37) is divorced and mother of Lize (7) and Minthe (5).

“My children’s father and I divorced when Minthe was a baby. In good consultation and with good visitation arrangements: the girls go to their father every other weekend and on Wednesdays. They don’t know any better and are happy that way. Within our visitation arrangement we have agreed that we will divide the holidays fifty-fifty. When one of us wants to go away for a week with the children during the spring break, we simply put an entire autumn break at the other. It never led to discussions. See you this summer.

Three weeks in a row

My ex recently started a new relationship. The kids like her so I don’t think much of it. We only have one agreement about the summer holidays: everyone gets half, but never three consecutive weeks. Three weeks without the other parent is simply too long for the girls, we always agreed on that. But now they can spend three weeks in the southern French villa of my ex’s brand new parents-in-law. His girlfriend is going, with her two daughters the same age as mine, so my ex has a choice: travel together and violate our agreement, or return earlier. And he doesn’t want that.

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acclimatize

I wish my children a nice holiday with peers, but three weeks without me will certainly be difficult for them; they are used to being with me almost all the time. And vice versa of course. There is also a bit of jealousy involved. I find it difficult that another woman takes care of my daughters for three weeks. That doesn’t change if they only go for two weeks, so I try to eliminate that feeling, it’s the consequence of divorce.

But in addition, from this week on I will be camping with them in the Netherlands for two weeks, a holiday that has been fixed for a long time. Two weeks in the Netherlands and then on to two weeks in France is already busy – we’ll make a note of that for next year’s schedule – but after our vacation for three weeks and going straight to school when I get home, I think it’s too intense. That way they don’t get to acclimatize.

Dates

No matter how I try to convince my ex, he refuses to go for the agreed two weeks. Should I let it go and hope that my daughters won’t be homesick after two weeks, or should I forbid my ex from going on vacation with them for three weeks? After all, the appointment is fixed in our parenting plan.”

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