‘She said her children ‘masturbate’

Patricia van Liemt is a radio host, writer and mother of Maria (12) and Phaedra (9). Every Friday she writes accurate, honest, funny and above all recognizable columns about her life and motherhood.

I will not soon forget the words of my American friend: ‘My kids kind of masturbate and I’m totally fine with that’.

Awkward situation

Where I thought I was a very open minded mother, my traditional Dutch sobriety came into play. Somewhere in a Swiss playground I had to process with red cheeks what she had just said. Our conversation started after we saw another child slide down a pole just too often. You could clearly see that the child liked it. My American friend saw it too and named the scene. That’s fine, because I thought it was a bit awkward situation.

Precarious subject

Normally I’m the one who names the pink elephant in the room, but this time I found it difficult and she named it. If she hadn’t said anything, I probably wouldn’t have said it either. When it comes to children and ‘sexual feelings’ it is a precarious subject. And I correct myself immediately, because they are not necessarily sexual feelings, but children can experience something at a young age as tasty or pleasant.

Also read – ‘My daughter (6) masturbates in public, how do I deal with this?’ >

Prefer private

Well, my curiosity was triggered when she openly said that her kids are “masturbating.” “What do you mean by that?” I asked, stuttering and extremely uncomfortable. She said that her children sometimes ‘rubbed’ in the child seats in the back of the car. My girlfriend didn’t think that was a good idea and then explained to her children that it’s completely okay to enjoy it, but that you do it privately.

Sex = taboo

Well. When I write it like that, I still think it’s ‘crazy’, but she’s actually quite right. She offers her children a safe environment and a healthy connection with their own bodies. I grew up with an image that sex was either taboo or dirty. And that obviously has an impact on how you look at your own body later as an adult. I still sometimes find it difficult to fully accept myself as I am. But luckily it gets better as I get older.

“I grew up with an image that sex was either taboo or dirty”

Can I ever be as open as my American friend to her kids? I do not know. I can buy them some good books…

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