Sex education: ‘And then my child was suddenly on YouPorn’

Time for a filter

Reza (38), mother of Zayne (10) and Loubna (7): “Zayne had even googled where babies came from during the holidays and came across the website YouPorn. He came running towards me with wide eyes in surprise. He now saw that penises were also put in a woman’s mouth: did babies come out of them too? Good time to explain the difference between love, sex and porn. After that, I placed an internet filter on his phone.”

And thank you babysitter

Marieke (36), mother of Jens (6) and Cato (4): “At the end of her very first day with us, I asked our new nanny about her experience with the children. Well, all had gone well, dear sweet children. Only one thing: Jens had asked her where babies came from. I was stunned, he had never even asked me this. But the babysitter didn’t think it was a point, in fact, she had explained it to him briefly. I was really speechless when she said that. And I actually thought it was quite different. Normally you say to a child: just ask mom or dad? Well, it had already happened.

“Oh just, then the stork will come.”

After the nanny left, I asked Jens what exactly she had told him. Then he said casually: ‘Oh just, then the stork will come and it will do – poke – in your belly and then you will have a baby.’ I decided to briefly explain how it really works, but Jens couldn’t be too interested in that.”

I want to know now

Sarah (38), mother of Luke (8): “With Luuk I am quite easy going and open when it comes to sexuality. Nothing is crazy or dirty or weird. Ever since he became aware of his body as a toddler, I have talked to him about his naked body. That he is allowed to touch his penis, for example, but not in front of others and that it is normal that he finds that a nice feeling.

I’ve also always said that he can ask me anything about sex, under the guise: I’d rather hear it from me than from an eighth grader in the schoolyard. That was not always convenient. In the middle of my great-aunt’s birthday, Luuk came to me with his question and not exactly in a whisper. He’d heard something that morning about eating pussy—what was it and how exactly did you do it? Judging by the shocked faces around me, not all of those in attendance were deaf.”

Daddy gets overheated

Paul (38), father of Ruben (11) and Jasmijn (6): “In the seventh grade, the school doctor came by. Ruben had been given an ‘adolescent guide’, a booklet about sexuality and body change published by Rutgers, to read through for himself – and he did so faithfully. But because of his dyslexia, the terms didn’t quite come through. He thought girls had a volvo (vulva) and didn’t quite understand the meaning of perno (porn) either. Did I want to read it? Of course.

“Fortunately, my wife had less trouble with it.”

Once I read it out loud, I was shocked by the rather plastic approach and explicit drawings. That in itself is fine that they educate children so well and I still managed to keep the chapters about the penis clean and wet dreams, but I dropped out with the STDs, safe sex and self-gratification. The child is just eleven! It felt like I had ended up in some sex shop with my son; I found it so embarrassing. For the rest of the book I referred it to my wife, who luckily had less trouble with it.”

Read also
Caught by your child during sex: ‘Daddy, why was your mommy pushing all the time?’ >

Top story

Marleen (29), mother of Seb (6): “Our cat had had babies: the perfect opportunity to explain to Seb what it was like to have babies in general. Seb heard my story and then ran to our neighbor to tell it again. He had heard such nice things from Mom!”

Shut up, understand?

Linda (40), mother of Féline (7): “The teacher had a baby and I took the opportunity to cover the basics about sex. So I ordered the book I like you, which contains tips on how to talk to children about sexuality. One afternoon over tea and biscuits, I calmly explained the entire reproductive story to Féline. After my account she looked at me with a dirty and shocked face. “I never want to talk about it again and wish you’d never told me this,” she said angrily. Followed by: ‘And you can’t tell anyone I know this now.’”

Keep that filth to you

Alies (42), mother of Norah (13) and Tijn (8): “Just like with Norah, I also wanted to tell Tijn the ins and outs about sex early on, but every time I arrive at Tijn with something more than just flowers and bees, he puts his hands on his ears, runs off and screams: ‘ No, no, I don’t want to hear it.’

“When I arrive with more than just flowers and bees, he puts his hands on his ears, screams and runs away.”

You would almost think that he has suffered a trauma somewhere, because every piece of naked body on TV or from his sister is crazy and should only be very scary. Is this a phase or am I doing something wrong? Am I there too early? Should I wait until he wants to know more about it himself? I also don’t want it to pick up somewhere else and only really get traumatized.”

But the teacher asked

Rose (36), mother of Mats (1): “As a starting teacher, I once shouted to a class of curious toddlers: ‘Ask at home tonight how Dad’s seed got into Mom’s tummy and then tell me tomorrow in the circle discussion.’ Oh, what fun I had that evening at the supposed dismay of the parents. I don’t even know if I got many answers, but I still remember the anticipation.”

That one of six explains it a bit

Cindy (39), mother of Micha (6) and Jolijn (5), pregnant with the third: “Last month my youngest wanted to know how a baby came in your tummy. Before I could answer, the six-year-old was already doing it. Without batting an eyelid she spooned up: ‘Daddy puts his pee in the mummy’s pee, then seeds come out that swim to an egg and then you have a baby. .’ Jolijn listened to it and then nodded understandingly. Whereupon both quietly continued to play with the Playmobil. I literally stood there and watched it.”

With a little help from Freek

Nikki (31), mother of Ties (9) and Alwin (7): “Long live Freek Vonk. I never had to say anything, here at home the men are big Freek fans and they eat his YouTube videos. After seeing all those mating animals, they thought that ‘people will do something like that to have babies’. I just had to confirm that. Of course they think that is terribly disgusting and they make coping movements as soon as they see two mating toads or copulating tigers. For now, we’ll just keep it that way.”

what are you doing now

Eefje (42), mother of Emma (9) and Sofie (3): “Emma made me sweat and twist and stammer; somehow I found it quite difficult to tell my little sprout how her baby sister had come about. After I finally very cumbersome all the secrets of the making of babies she said dryly, ‘Yeah mom, I already know all that.’”

This article appears in Kek Mama 14-2021.

More Kek Mama? Follow us on Facebook and Instagram >