‘Proud of the way the divorce with my ex went’
Ellen is a counselor in secondary special education, a thriller author at publisher De Fontein, mother of Lewis and Miles (11 and 8) from a previous relationship and gave birth to daughter Sophia with her boyfriend Nils in November.
Divorce is not for nothing. Especially when you have children, you try to go to great lengths to keep your family together, I think. If it really doesn’t work, then at least you did everything you could. The only thing you can do then is to let the relationship with your ex run smoothly, so that your children – to the extent possible – suffer as little as possible from the divorce. They can’t help it and have nothing to do with it. I dare to say out loud that I am proud of the way the divorce between my ex and me went.
‘I think it’s a form of wealth that it can be done like this.’
form of wealth
Of course it is best for children if mom and dad just stay together, but our situation is real second best. My boys absolutely love Nils and their new sister Sophia, they are the best big brothers ever. They also find their father’s girlfriend very nice and I see that she treats them well and is kind to them. That’s the most important thing, isn’t it? She is the one who sent me photos and videos when they were making lasagna together and she arranged a beautiful box with things for Sophia’s birth. I wish my ex a nice new wife and I wish my children someone who is there for them and pays attention to them on the weekends they are there. On this side, Nils is there for them when they want to play football, play a game or just need some man-talk. He will always be there for them. Loving people have been added on both sides, including family, and that is only a nice addition. I think it’s a form of wealth to be able to do this and I see that it does my children good.
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On vacation with their father
At the time of writing, my boys are about to board the plane. They go on holiday to Turkey for a week with their father, his girlfriend and her older daughter. I was asked three times if I didn’t find that difficult, and three times I said – in all sincerity – ‘no’. It’s really not the case, I don’t have a problem with it. I think it’s fantastic for the children that they go on holiday, to a wonderful resort with slides and the sea just around the corner. They were so enthusiastic and looking forward to it, I just love to see that. Of course I find it exciting that they are going to travel and I am not there, but I also find it exciting when they cycle to the supermarket alone, so to speak. I know they are in good hands and that there are three adults looking after them. It will be fine.
“Three times I was asked if I found it difficult, and three times I said – in all sincerity – no.”
Children’s happiness is paramount
I give my children the world and their well-being always comes first. Unfortunately I also know other stories. That one parent wants to take the children on holiday and that the other parent puts a stop to that. What are you doing to your children? (Assuming both parents are stable, normal, benevolent people). As a parent, you want your children to be happy – above all else – right?
The guys promised me pictures every day and I’m sure we’ll have a video call every day. I will miss them, but a week alone with Nils and Sophia is nice too. I took them away yesterday, waved goodbye and wished them a lot of fun, and that came from the bottom of my heart.
More Ellen? Follow her on Instagram. You can read her previous columns here.
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