Marinja is an expat woman: ‘First I provided the main income, now my husband does that’

Marinja (38), married to Stephen (40), mother of Liz (7), AnneMay (5) and Noah (4).

“We started our expat adventure eight years ago in Jakarta. I was heavily pregnant with our first. From a busy social life in Amsterdam and a job at a large hotel chain, I suddenly found myself in a busy, not so safe city where I didn’t know anyone.

Often alone, because my husband had started working as a pilot for an airline company. A well-considered step, because he had just finished his training and was able to make his flying hours this way. As a result of this training, he had built up a student debt of almost two hundred thousand. It was imperative that he got to work as soon as possible to pay off that debt.

In the beginning I really had to get used to this turnaround in our lives, but I soon noticed that expats visit each other and that way I built up a social life fairly quickly.

Luxury

Two years later we exchanged Jakarta for Muscat, the capital of Oman. Much better. It is safer here, more aimed at children too, and the climate – not unimportantly – very pleasant, always around 25 degrees in winter. We are constantly outside. When we have a weekend off, we all go camping. Sometimes with five, but also sometimes with friends. You can pitch your tent anywhere in the mountains, the desert or on the beach. We take everything ourselves. The kids think it’s fantastic. Their favorite activity? First find your own wood for a fire to roast marshmallows on.

Our life may be less luxurious than you expect with expats. We do not live in a large villa with a swimming pool, but in a terraced house with four rooms and a small garden in a large compound. But that is relatively expensive, because we pay 2200 euros per month for our house alone. In any case, life here is quite pricey: I spend 275 euros per week for groceries. School fees are 8,000 euros per child per school year. My husband earns 8,000 euros a month, so that quickly adds up.

Yet there are apparently people who have money left over, because with some families everything seems to be possible. When our oldest had a children’s party here for the first time, I fell off my chair in amazement. There was absolutely no expense spared: there was a bouncy castle, a merry-go-round, goodie bags and there were Disney characters running around. Just something too much for a sober Dutch. I took it simpler myself, because for our daughter I organized a ‘home spa party’ at our house where the girls could put on face masks and paint their nails. They loved it just as much.

Read also
‘We have no money, but we do have the blue sea and the barbecue’ >

Spare time

The luxury I have here is mainly in my free time. All our kids go to school and that means I have until noon every morning to myself. I don’t work, because as a ‘wife of’ you don’t get a visa to work here. Besides, I want to be there for the kids. On my mornings I meet up with friends and we drink coffee. Or I’ll play tennis.

In the afternoon the racing starts, because everything here goes by car. Like a ‘mommy taxi’ I pick up the kids from school and then take them to all their activities. I also do volunteer work and give swimming lessons to children. In addition, I have become a distributor of essential oils that I like to use myself and I recently signed up for a doula course, because I thought it would be nice to do something for myself again. I know the woman who organizes it – she asked me if it was not for me. But unfortunately the course has been suspended until further notice due to the corona vicissitudes.

Financially dependent

I don’t mind being financially dependent on my husband. We’ve been together for a long time. When he studied I was the one with the main income, now he is. I was a manager at a hotel chain and from my income we paid, among other things, the mortgage for our owner-occupied apartment in Amsterdam. Stephen had just finished his education during the crisis in 2008, then he took various jobs to pay his principal and interest. At the end of 2011 he left for Jakarta to fly there, I followed a few months later with Liz.

I see this as a temporary situation, I will go back to work. Maybe just back in the Netherlands, because the aviation industry is now in a bad state and I think there is a good chance that we will go back again at some point. I am especially looking forward to having colleagues around me again, because I do miss that.

Social life

In any case, a social life is not easy as an expat. When we first got here we had a large circle of friends, which was very nice. But it’s fleeting, people go back or to their next destination at some point. Then you sometimes go to a farewell party twice a month. I also find it difficult for the children. If they just made a boyfriend, he’ll run off again. My son just had it, he was so sad. I spoiled him a little extra during that period. We went to the cinema once and we all went to the wild water park.

flexible

I’m not afraid that we will have a hard time re-establishing ourselves in the Netherlands. In the summer – when it’s terribly hot here, up to fifty degrees – we always go that way for a few weeks. In winter, the family comes here. My husband gets a discount on the airline tickets; we already fly back to the Netherlands for 200 euros per person. Although it is a little different this year because of corona.

The children love being in the Netherlands and are happy to see their grandparents again. Saying goodbye is often difficult for them for a while, but I notice that they are also getting used to it. Saying goodbye to friends and family is part of this existence. And that makes them very flexible for the rest of their lives.”

This article was previously published in Kek Mama.

A little tighter on cash?
In the Kek Mama discount shop you will find the best outings and products with a nice discount >